OK, listen up you HUMAN SCUM! It's your Doktor Zoom, and we need to have a word. A word about MOVING PRODUCT.
Yr Wonkette has t-shirts and coffee mugs and shot glasses to move, and you, our beloved readers, have holiday shopping needs. Let's see if we can't come to a mutually beneficial arrangement, OK? Sure would be a shame if we had to withhold military aid to you because you aren't buying Wonkette merch for all your relatives, and selected frenemies. So if you know what's good for you (snark and politics and stuff), you'll do your patriotic duty and GO SHOPPING. (Haha, remember when, in a more innocent era, we thought that was as bad and stupid and vulgar as it could get?)