Judge Rips Florida Kids' Trans Ban Law Into Pieces, Lights Them On Fire, Shoves Them Down DeSantis's Throat

This afternoon a federal judge in Florida issued an injunction on the enforcement of the state's ban on gender-affirming healthcare for minors. And while the order is limited to a small number of plaintiffs seeking hormone treatments on behalf of their children, it's a scathing indictment of the statute's constitutionality, as well as the cruelty of the politicians who advocated for it.

"The elephant in the room should be noted at the outset. Gender identity is real," writes US District Judge Robert Hinkle, hinting at the "unspoken suggestion running just below the surface in some of the proceedings that led to adoption of the statute and rules at issue—and just below the surface in the testimony of some of the defense experts—is that transgender identity is not real, that it is made up."

But you don't get to ban something, particularly gender-based medical care, based on barely concealed bigotry.

"Any proponent of the challenged statute and rules should put up or shut up: do you acknowledge that there are individuals with actual gender identities opposite their natal sex, or do you not? Dog whistles ought not be tolerated," the court bristles.

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Sorry, Officer, I Spilled 'Swimming Pool' On The Evidence

This is one of those stories we are going to take with a grain of salt and a million droplets of chlorinated water until we read it in an indictment, because it is just too hilarious and weird. Also, just "CNN."

But they are reporting that a "Mar-a-Lago pool flood raises suspicions among prosecutors in Trump classified documents case." Because the swimming pool tried to eat the surveillance tapes, apparently, allegedly, perhaps.

The general outlines are that last October, a Mar-a-Lago employee drained the pool. This flooded the room where they kept the surveillance tapes. No, we don't know how. We don't know if pools these days have buttons that give you an option to flood the house, or what. We're less surprised by the notion that a Donald Trump business could be so janky and creaky that the surveillance tapes would literally be stacked in a room in the basement, fully untethered to the internet.

But that's where the servers were that had the surveillance footage. So.

While it’s unclear if the room was intentionally flooded or if it happened by mistake, the incident occurred amid a series of events that federal prosecutors found suspicious.


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Actual Nazis Use Montana Drag Ban To Get Trans Authors Banned From Reading At Libraries, So That's Bad

Friday, actual good news came out of a Trump judge's courtroom, when US District Court Judge Thomas L. Parker ruled in the dead of night that Tennessee's drag ban is not just unconstitutional, but LMAO Go Fuck Yourself Unconstitutional. (Legal term.) This made Memphis's pride parade and festival the next day just that much sweeter, according to pretty much everyone we know, and we would know because we live there.

Meanwhile in Montana, things took a turn for the more horrifying last week, in an entirely predictable way to anyone who's been paying attention. The state's own absurdly ridiculous anti-drag law was used to ban a transgender person from reading from their own book at the Butte-Silver Bow public library. Republican Governor Greg Gianforte signed HB 359 just last week. Hopefully it will be treated like a wet turd in court just like Tennessee's ban was. But until then!

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Voters Prefer House Democrats To Cackling Hyena Bandits Posing As Republicans

The current Republican House majority has been a disaster. Kevin McCarthy endured 15 rounds of ritual humiliation before finally winning the speakership. They wasted months on goofy investigations into Hunter Biden's private parts and Jim Jordan's Joe McCarthy cosplay hearings about the Deep State. They also let Marjorie Taylor Greene back on committees where she was publicly the vilest asshole you'd never want to meet.

Recently, House Republicans held the global economy hostage but were wedgied during negotiations with President Joe Biden. Meanwhile, one of the members of their narrow five-seat majority is noted fraud George Santos, who was just slapped with a 13-count federal indictment.

Republicans can't govern worth a damn, and voters have noticed how much they suck.

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Chris Christie Lays Into Trump Like The Guy Gave Him COVID Or Something

This post contains zero Christie fat jokes.

Former New Jersey Governor and noted bridge saboteur Chris Christie is running for president. He won't win or probably even dramatically improve upon his dismal 2016 showing, but Christie could be the hero we need right now. And by "hero," I mean, the slightly less repulsive gangster in a movie who takes down far more dangerous gangsters.

When he declared his candidacy, Christie said, "I’m running for President of the United States because the truth still matters. We need leaders that are willing to stand up and tell it like it is. That’s what this campaign is about. I’m the only candidate who can take on Donald Trump and tell the truth. Every other Republican thinks they can tiptoe around him. I don’t tiptoe. Get me on the stage and get your popcorn ready."

It's revealing that out of the gazillion Republicans wasting their time and ours with presidential campaigns, Christie is so far the only one who's made the "unconventional" move of directly attacking the frontrunner!

Christie whaled on Donald Trump Tuesday before a crowd at the New Hampshire Institute of Politics.

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California To Do Socialism On Electric Bills To Spur Clean Power Transition. 'Yes! YES!' Say Sickos.

We are the sickos!

California electric bills are some of the highest in the USA, but in the next few years, as part of the state's efforts to decarbonize the power sector, California will start charging high-income residents a higher basic rate for electricity while reducing basic charges for lower-income customers. At the same time, the state's three big for-profit utilities would reduce the metered cost of electricity use, making it more affordable for people to switch from gas heat and stoves to electric, and rewarding energy efficiency and the adoption of rooftop solar.

Rich people aren't happy, of course, because why should they pay more so non-rich people can have more affordable power? Well, because you can, and spreading out the costs of decarbonization benefits everyone. You'll benefit (really, you and all future generations on the planet will benefit) from everyone pumping less carbon into the atmosphere. The sooner, the better, for all of us.

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CNN's Chris Licht Lights Himself On Fire

Fight woke, go broke?

This morning, Dylan Byers at Puck News got the scoop that CNN's CEO Christ Licht had been quitfired, just a year after taking the job. Proximately, Licht's departure was caused by the devastating Atlanticprofile by Tim Alberta which dropped like a bomb Friday during CNN's 9 a.m. editorial call. The 15,000-word piece painted Licht as the unqualified millionaire dispatched by CNN's gazillionaire overlords at Warner Brothers, in particular David Zazlav, to root out liberal bias at the network and return it to the halcyon days of straight news.

The story picks up in fall of 2022, with Licht on a mission to "save journalism" by firing hundreds of journalists and ditching the network's flailing streaming service CNN+. Alberta writes:

There was never going to be much goodwill between Warner Bros. Discovery and the journalists at CNN. In November 2021, not long after the corporate takeover was announced, John Malone, a right-wing billionaire who stood to become a major shareholder on the new Warner Bros. Discovery board, said that CNN could learn a few things from the reporters at Fox News.

“I would like to see CNN evolve back to the kind of journalism that it started with, and actually have journalists, which would be unique and refreshing,” Malone told CNBC. After Zucker was sacked, Zaslav, the CEO of Warner Bros. Discovery, exacerbated these tensions by choosing Licht without interviewing any of CNN’s internal candidates. Zaslav told numerous people that he needed an outsider to revamp CNN’s journalistic practices because Republican politicians had told him they were no longer willing to come on the network—a rationale that worried staffers there.

And if it had worked, if he'd been able to resuscitate CNN's ratings and profit margins, he'd have been hailed as a genius by his corporate masters and journalists alike. But it became almost immediately clear to everyone involved, with the possible exception of Licht himself, that it wasn't working. And what Licht hoped would be a paean to his glorious triumph remaking the media landscape, published in the nation's oldest prestige journal, instead documented a year of embarrassing failure. Licht's personal struggles serve as a perfect allegory for an industry which is being ripped apart at the seams as one political party rejects truth in favor of endless culture war and plutocrats eat nine-tenths of the pie and brand anyone who notices as "Marxist."

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