Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense Laura Cooper was about to start testifying behind closed doors -- in a SCIF -- for the committees leading the impeachment inquiry of Donald Trump, the first sitting Trump administration official from Defense to do so. (How's that NO CURRENT OFFICIALS ARE ALLOWED TO TESTIFY, BY DECREE OF TRUMP! letter workin' out for you, Pat Cipollone?)
But instead a bunch of Congress's frumpiest-ass-dumbass Republicans from the Freedom Caucus, led by Matt Gaetz, bashed their way into the room to yell stuff and things about UNFAIR! and WITCH HUNT! and WHIIIIIIIINE! Their grievance is that Adam Schiff is not being very "transparency" by having these meetings behind closed doors where Republicans can't even manufacture shitshows, and where Republicans who don't sit on the committees leading the impeachment inquiry aren't even allowed to attend. THE HORRORS! House Intelligence Committee chair Adam Schiff answered all these yapping dildoes' complaints in a letter last week, but we guess they didn't read it.
Trump has been mewling about how Republicans aren't doing enough to save his orange scaly ass from impeachment. Clearly this is one of the House Freedom Caucus's ways of giving Trump nut-rubs and reassuring him that they have his back. Indeed, Trump met with a bunch of these idiots at the White House yesterday and was totally in to Republicans doing this today! Thought it would help. Thinks if the transcripts of the depositions come out, it will "exonerate" him. YOU BETCHA!
We'd call today's festivities a Brooks Brothers riot on Capitol Hill, except for again, these are frumpy people. Matt Gaetz always wears that fucked up ugly suit, and the rest of the Freedom Caucus isn't much fancier. Hell, Jim Jordan can barely be bothered to put on clean underwear before he goes a-Congressin', much less put on an expensive suit. Oh yeah, also the Brooks Brothers riot that stopped the Florida recount in 2000 was successful. This is merely gonna leave skidmarks all over the halls of Congress.
So let's call it the Burlington Coat Factory/Ross Dress For Less Riot of 2019.