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Trump Sick Of Winning, So He Stopped

Are these polls bad for the president? That's weird.

Let the quitfiring begin! Donald Trump's own internal polls are shit, so obviously it's time to fire the pollsters. Last week, the New York Times reported that Trump is freaking out and using his ancient, unsecured cellphone to make late night booty calls to his old pals for a little rub and tug to his ego. Russia, if you're listening ... and we know you are.

The Ego in Chief is flipping his shit because his own pollster Tony Fabrizio -- of Paul Manafort kickback and internal polling shared with Russians fame -- showed Trump trailing Biden badly this March in 11 swing states, with close races in six others. Trump's campaign manager Brad "Pube Beard" Parscale has been bragging about expanding his campaign into New Mexico, New Hampshire, and Nevada, at the same time his internal polls show them losing Pennsylvania by 16, Wisconsin by 11, Minnesota by 14, Michigan by 13, North Carolina by 8, Virginia by 17, and Ohio by 1. Fabrizio even showed him losing Georgia by 6!

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Fox Says NO, But GOP Will Still Accept Foreign Campaign Contributions To Protect DREAMERS!

This morning, the Colluder in Chief called in to The Best Little Whorehouse in AM for one of those therapeutic "massages" he likes so much. For a little extra, they even let him do a Reverse Stephanopoulos, where he gets to dress up as a guy who didn't go on national television and solicit election help from any foreign government willing to offer it. Hannity's gonna be so jelly!

Meanwhile the "adults" in the room at Fox "News" (Shepard Smith and Judge Andrew Napolitano; there are no others) were busy pointing out that taking information on your political opponent from a hostile foreign power is IRL a crime, and it's probably a bad idea for the president to go on television and say Russia, or China, or Ukraine, if you're listening ... Because, in case we hadn't all worked that one out, he's talking about Giuliani's Ukrainium One nonsense about Joe Biden. They're still flogging that bullshit, although it's been roundly debunked, so he's making noise about moving on to China now, and Trump doesn't want to get nailed for taking whatever lies Rudy can drum up about Joe Biden and running with them.

But back to Shep 'n' Nap!

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How Much Illegal Foreign Help Is Trump Expecting In 2020, Kayleigh McEnany? F*ck!

Kayleigh McEnany, the Harvard Law grad who now takes a paycheck for pretending to be extremely stupid for the Trump campaign, has thoughts on that little thing Donald Trump told George Stephanopoulos in the Oval Office. You remember! (Because it was two days ago.) That's when he confessed that he'd like to commit some crimes in the 2020 election and let America's enemies undermine us yet again by helping him get re-elected. As you might imagine, McEnany's thoughts were very stupid thoughts, because that is her job.

Trump 2020 press secretary: Campaign will handle foreign dirt on "case by case basis" www.youtube.com

MCENANY: The president's directive as he said -- a case by case basis -- he said he would likely do both, listen to what they have to say but also report it to the FBI -- that's what he ended on, on that soundbite -- and his directive right now is look what the Democrats have done. They are the ones who have done this. And it's notable there is media outrage and no discussion of the Steele Dossier, written by a British spy, paid for by the DNC and Hillary Clinton, and that information being from Russian sources given to a British spy perpetuated through the FBI.

Oh for God's sake. When the Trump campaign was looking for somebody willing to freely lobotomize herself in servitude to Emperor Shitmouth, they sure did find the right job applicant!

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Good Riddance To Debased, Disgraced & Dismissed Liar Sarah Huckabee Sanders

There's good news and then there's Sarah Huckabee Sanders's lying ass got kicked to the curb news. We don't know why exactly the White House press secretary is finally leaving, and anything she told us would be a lie. But the departure from public life of so odious a creature as Sanders is cause for celebration. Time for champagne and a cheese board we wouldn't give Sanders for free before kicking her out of our restaurant.

Donald Trump broke the news on the platform that had effectively replaced Sanders. Who needs a picture of Dorian Gray's face for your administration when you have Twitter?

Twitter

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Healthcare

Trump Wants To Run On Healthcare In 2020. Well, If He Insists!

Nonexistent plan upgraded from 'terrific' to 'phenomenal'!

It's been a bit over two months since the last time Donald Trump said he was fixing to roll out a new healthcare plan, which went nowhere, so -- right on schedule! -- Trump is talking about rolling out a new healthcare plan that will also go nowhere, because he's just that smart. You see, Trump figures that since a lot of Democrats got elected to the House last year on a promise of protecting healthcare from his administration, it only makes sense to offer a real alternative to Obamacare, one even better than Medicare For All, by promising even more impressively positive adjectives without getting bogged down in details.

Still, maybe this time it'll be different, since Trump took at least one very definite action on health last week. Get ready for the very new, surprisingly cost-effective Don't Cough Around MeCare plan.

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Cops Behaving Badly

Hero Phoenix Cops Rescue Dollar Store Doll From Terrified Family At Gunpoint

Same shit, different day

A couple thugs accosted a family in Phoenix, Arizona, last month. They waved their penis substitutes and shouted obscenities and threats at Dravon Ames, his pregnant fiancee Iesha Harper, and their two young daughters. What's especially scary but not that surprising is the thugs had badges.

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News

NICE TIME! Court Won't Let Anti-Abortion Nutjob Lock Up The Pregnant Teenage Girls

Okay, they're still locked up. So half-Nice Time.

For the last few years, the Trump regime has been trying to force undocumented children to act as baby incubators. On Friday, a federal court found once again that this incredibly fucked up policy is unconstitutional.

In 2017, the director of the Department of Health and Human Services' Office of Refugee Resettlement (ORR) was an anti-abortion nutjob named Scott Lloyd. Lloyd is a right-wing lawyer with no background whatsoever in resettling or even working with refugees, so sure, let's have him head the Office of Refugee Resettlement. Lloyd hates abortion because he's still bitter he wasn't able to force an old girlfriend into carrying an unwanted pregnancy to term. As director at ORR, he instituted a policy of forced pregnancy for teenagers in ORR's care.

During his esteemed tenure at ORR, creepy motherfucker Scott Lloyd kept a spreadsheet of teenagers' periods, but couldn't manage to track the children the US government was kidnapping at its border.

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News

What Is Bill Maher Wrong About Today?

It's your Real Time rundown because we don't know why.

We have decided to start recapping Bill Maher's Real Time. Because we hate ourselves.

After a boring interview with George Will, we moved on to Real Time's meat and potatoes, the panel discussion. This week's panel: “The Bulwark" editor Charlie Sykes, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, and “free speech champion" and New York Times Opinion writer Bari Weiss.

The panel discussion turned, as all of American life does lately, to whether we should Impeach The Motherfucker in the aftermath of Trump's disastrous interview with George Stephanopoulos where he said he would not refuse foreign help nor report it to the FBI. Maher said we should impeach, for the correct reasons. Eliot Spitzer went with the feeble argument of inaction waiting until the election:

Spitzer: Look, first you don't impeach someone for something he might do but hasn't done. Trump is a narcissistic demagogue who is the worst president we've ever had. Let's take that as a baseline. But, but ... I think, Bill, it is better for our democracy to beat him at the electoral box next year. We can impeach him, the Senate won't convict him. Let's beat him with democratic votes. We should do it, we can do it. Let's get a good candidate.

So a few things there, Client 9.

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popular

'Fake Polls.' Wonkagenda For Mon., June 17, 2019

Trump's got LOW RATINGS, and Uncle Sam warns it can knock Putin's lights out. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Nice Time

Your Father's Day Nice Things Is Just Ugly Ties All The Way Down

Caution: There WILL be dad jokes.

It's Father's Day, which means it's time for Yr Dok Zoom and his son to go to brunch and check out the downtown Boise Father's Day Car Show so we can ooh and ah over the very same Corvettes 'n' Mustangs 'n' lovingly-restored classic cars that are there every year, and I will probably once again point at the '68 Beetle converted to run on electricity and say, "Oh look, a Voltswagen!" Traditions matter. (Kid Zoom is 22, so I may also/instead meet him for cocktails later like grown up human people.)

Don't worry about any deep thoughts on the Meaning of Fatherhood here -- we're just going to enjoy the goofy side of dadding, which as far as I'm concerned is the best thing I've done with my time. Especially since my role model for parenting was the unnamed Dad from "Calvin and Hobbes."

As any fool knows, ice rises to the top of liquids because it's cold, and just wants to be closer to the sun so it can warm up. It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

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2020 presidential election

Elizabeth Warren Scaring The Bejesus Out Of Trump Campaign Now

Told you not to write her off!

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

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Environment

Julián Castro: GET THE LEAD OUT!

Eat lead, jerks!

Suddenly, America is swimming in news about lead, that fun neurotoxin that's poisoned our children since the early 20th century, all for the sake of shiny home paints and no-knock gasoline. Prosecutors in Michigan shocked residents of Flint by abruptly dropping all charges against officials whose actions resulted in that city's water crisis; Bloomberg Politics ran a major editorial on the slow-rolling public health crisis; and presidential candidate Julián Castro unveiled a brand-new policy proposal to finally clean up lead nationwide, and to help those victimized by nearly a century of neglect. So let's dive in, no HAZMAT suit necessary. But just to be on the safe side, please refrain from licking your screen, OK?

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SCOTUS

Democrat Betsy Sweet Wants To Boof Susan Collins From Senate

And we're here to help.

Good news, everyone! We have a Democratic challenger for lousy Maine Sen. Susan Collins. Former Maine gubernatorial candidate Betsy Sweet announced her candidacy Thursday, and we confess we'd be more thrilled about it if she weren't a "former" candidate. That's sort of like when an actor's billed as "Oscar nominee." All we hear is LOSER! and we need closers if we're going to retire Collins.

On the upside, her campaign announcement video struck the right tone and hit all the key points. It begins with a clip of Collins declaring on the Senate floor that she planned to vote for Brett Kavanaugh's confirmation to the Supreme Court. As Sweet drives through a picturesque Maine town, we hear news reports of the continued right-wing onslaught against abortion rights. It gets us pissed off at Collins all over again.

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popular

Your Weekly Top Ten Got So Many Wonkette Kid Pictures, You're Gonna Get SICK OF Wonkette Kid Pictures!

YOU COME READ YOUR TOP TEN STORIES RIGHT NOW!

Know what? We don't even have to type words to kick this top ten post off, and you know why? Because there are like 80-eleventy Wonkette toddler pics down at the bottom, and all you're going to do is scroll anyway. Oh, and you're going to read the stop ten posts of the week.

Before we count down the top ten stories, though, here is your obligatory money beg, because if you love Wonkette, we need you to SUPPORT WONKETTE. Give us money to keep the lights on up in here! Better yet? SUBSCRIBE MONTHLY! Or up your subscription! Thank you, we love you, you pay our rent.

Ready to count down the top stories? Yes, you are.

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News

All In Favor Of Montana Governor Steve Bullock Quitting His Bitching Say 'AYE'!

AYE.

Did you hear? The DNC has released the line-up for the double-header first Democratic primary debates on June 26 and 27! It's 10 candidates each night, because there are 20 of them who qualified, and you can look at the match-ups here if you'd like. Elizabeth Warren is debating the kids' table on the first night, which will either give her a chance to shine, or nobody will watch. All the other important people -- Biden, Bernie, Buttigieg, Kamala, Oprah's guru Marianne Williamson AKA OUR NEXT PRESIDENT, OBVIOUSLY -- are on the second night, so that should be fun.

But, of course, there are a handful of people who didn't qualify for any of it, and one of them in particular will not stop bitching about it. We are talking about Montana Governor Jim J. Steve Bullock (see? we don't even know what his fucking name is), who Johnny-Come-Lately-ed into the party and now he's mad that he didn't qualify under the rules every other candidate had to play by. He is saying "whine" about how he's a really popular governor who won in a Trump state (true!) and "whine!" the polls wuz #rigged (yeah nope) and "WHINE!" he didn't have time to run for president because he was protecting Medicaid expansion in Montana's batshit legislative session (awesome!) and therefore it's NO FAIR that he doesn't get to debate.

He even released an ad featuring a Montanan called "Jock," who says jumpin' Jehoshaphat, this is all "HORSESHIT."

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lawsplainer

Ex-WH Counsel Don McGahn Had No 'Executive Privilege' BEFORE Trump Shatteth Upon It On Live Teevee

Ding dong, Congress calling.

Paging Don McGahn! Donald Trump just backed that orange MAGA bus up and ran your sorry ass over. AGAIN. Thank you for your patriotic service to the nation!

The former White House Counsel is currently locked in a battle over his testimony with the House Judiciary Committee, and Donald Trump just pantsed him but good. Because McGahn already defied a congressional subpoena, fobbing off Chairman Jerry Nadler just a few hours before his scheduled testimony with a vaguely worded letter alluding to "Executive Branch equities." Note that McGahn's very good lawyer Bill Burck did not assert "executive privilege" (although he did quote the White House claiming it) since privilege has an actual, legal standard, and he will likely lose if and when he tries to assert it in court. Particularly in light of the fact that we've all read what he said already, assholes.

Clearly, if there was ever any privilege to McGahn's testimony, it was already waived when the Justice Department allowed the substance of it to be published in the Mueller Report. But McGahn's laughable claim that he can't possibly tell Congress what he already told Robert Mueller got a lot more rancid yesterday when Donald Trump shit all over it on television.

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News

​Trump Celebrates Birthday With His Only Friends: Dumbass 'Fox & Friends' Idiots

We'd say we feel sorry for him but we don't like to lie.

President Unloved And Unworthy Of Being Loved is having a birthday today. According to our quick back-of-the-napkin calculations, he is 148,467 in dog years, which is we don't know how many in people years, because we're not sure he's a "people."

Because he doesn't really have friends or joy in his life, he decided that fuck it, he'd do his morning Twitter-raging live, and he would do it on "Fox & Friends," where they are at least paid multiple American dollars to be nice to him. Was he in a good mood? Of course not!

It started off real sad, with Trump saying he was going to "work" today (lie) instead of really celebrating his birthday (no friends), but that maybe there will be "a little piece of cake" tonight. As always thanks to Bobby Lewis from Media Matters for live-tweeting these videos so we can copy off his paper.

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popular

New York Decides Religion Is Not A Good Enough Reason To Spread Measles

Gov. Andrew Cuomo signs bill eliminating religious exemptions for vaccines.

Once upon a time, in the year 2000, the CDC declared measles "eliminated" — thanks to vaccines. Of course, that was seven whole years before the the former co-host of MTV's Singled Out decided to start going around telling everyone that those same vaccines caused her kid's autism. Since then, we've had more than a few measles outbreaks, but this year has been the worst so far. In the United States this year, there have been over 1,000 confirmed cases, more than half of them in New York alone.

Many of these cases have been concentrated in Orthodox Jewish communities, where the issue is not so much "autism," but rather the belief that vaccines violate Jewish law in some capacity. This belief is disputed by the Rabbinical Council of America and the Orthodox Union, both of which strongly encourage parents to get their kids vaccinated. Of course, there are also a lot of people who only pretend to have "sincere religious objections" but in fact just believe in the ridiculous autism conspiracy theories.

In response to this outbreak, Gov. Andrew Cuomo signed a bill yesterday eliminating religious exemptions for vaccines.

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2019 state and local elections

You Can't Keep Virginia's Joe Morrissey Or Herpes Down

An old Wonkette 'favorite' flares up again.

Like that rash you get in the warmer, wetter months -- when you thought the cream your doctor gave you had taken care of, but still gives you an odd sense of satisfaction when you scratch it -- Joseph Dee Morrissey is back. A few years ago, Morrissey was a regular embarrassment to all Democrats, and especially to the Virginia House of Delegates, where he waved around an AK-47 on the floor, and sexed his underaged secretary.

Well get ready for a new outbreak. On Tuesday, Morrissey won the Democratic primary for the 16th district of the Virginia Senate, knocking off incumbent and establishment favorite Senator Rosalyn Dance by a 12-point margin. The SD16 is such a safe Democratic seat that the GOP didn't even bother to scare up a patsy to run there. In Virginia, there is a lot of pearl-clutching and shock about Morrissey's win, mostly from nice optimists who should not be surprised by the success of an amoral creep.

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Russia

Fox Says NO, But GOP Will Still Accept Foreign Campaign Contributions To Protect DREAMERS!

Marsha Blackburn with the idiot riposte.

This morning, the Colluder in Chief called in to The Best Little Whorehouse in AM for one of those therapeutic "massages" he likes so much. For a little extra, they even let him do a Reverse Stephanopoulos, where he gets to dress up as a guy who didn't go on national television and solicit election help from any foreign government willing to offer it. Hannity's gonna be so jelly!

Meanwhile the "adults" in the room at Fox "News" (Shepard Smith and Judge Andrew Napolitano; there are no others) were busy pointing out that taking information on your political opponent from a hostile foreign power is IRL a crime, and it's probably a bad idea for the president to go on television and say Russia, or China, or Ukraine, if you're listening ... Because, in case we hadn't all worked that one out, he's talking about Giuliani's Ukrainium One nonsense about Joe Biden. They're still flogging that bullshit, although it's been roundly debunked, so he's making noise about moving on to China now, and Trump doesn't want to get nailed for taking whatever lies Rudy can drum up about Joe Biden and running with them.

But back to Shep 'n' Nap!

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