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Tomi Lahren, Why Are You So Bad At History?

Amazingly, Tomi Lahren is not very up on her feminist history.

If you want to take the pulse of the nation, with regards to feminism and how people feel about it, who do you go to? Well, if you are Brian Kilmeade of Fox News, you go to Tomi Lahren. Last night, these two geniuses discussed a recent poll conducted by Refinery29 and CBS News showing that only 46% of millennial women consider themselves feminists. Tomi Lahren knows why that is, and it's because feminists refuse to embrace Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Obviously.

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This Omarosa Bullshit Might Be Getting Somewhere!

TAPES, OMAROSA, LORDY WE NEED MORE TAPES.

It's still Omarosa week! Aren't you glad it's still Omarosa week and that we still get to talk about Omarosa a lot more????

No?

OK, us neither. There are a couple things we need to point out though. One is that the Trump campaign's lawsuit against Omarosa for breaking the terms of an unenforceable nondisclosure agreement is HORSESHIT. We'll lawsplain that at you later today. Another is that it really is super fucked up, and entirely expected, that Trump called Omarosa a "dog." He probably wanted to call her a bitch and thinks he behaved himself by using the word "dog." Sarah Huckabee Sanders cannot guarantee we will never hear the president on tape using the N-word, because she absolutely knows it almost 100% certainly happened.

Those are some things about our current Week Of Omarosa.

But wait, here's another thing!

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It's A Kansas Kobach Clusterfuck, And We Are LOVING IT!

Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

Trump's New Lie About Russian Treason Meeting Allows For Possibility Trump Jr. Is Massive Fuckup

Want your latest Omarosa scoop? FUCK YOU, THIS IS A SERIOUS WEBSITE.

OK fine, it is that according to her new book, Donald "Daddy" Trump was really fucking pissed last year when his idiot son Donald "Unfortunately Shaped Offspring" Trump took it upon himself to tweet out the email chain that led to his Trump Tower Russian Treason Meeting. And after Daddy had worked so hard dictating a lie statement about that meeting on Air Force One, to cover everybody's ass! Ungrateful little shit.

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President Stable Genius Knows Where 'Nipple' Is. DO U?

Anybody want to talk about the conniption Grandpappy Hamster Dick is having on Twitter right now? Us neither! This post is about how your president is a fucking idiot whose brain doesn't even work, but there's no need to talk about his tweets right now. The only way this post relates to that is that this morning he has twice sent and twice deleted tweets that referred to the "special councel," because he absolutely refuses to learn how that word is spelled.

Fucking moron.

Let's talk about how Donald Trump didn't know what "Nepal" was, and when he saw it on a map, he called it "Nipple."

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2018 State and Local Elections

FEEL THE PAWMENTUM! Everything You Need To Know About Last Night's Primaries

Dems do diversity, Minnesota Rs reject comeback by Tim Pawlenzzzzzzzzzz

There were a whole bunch of primaries yesterday, and it was a good night for Democrats of diverse backgrounds, with a whole bunch of firsts in the results. On the Republican side, former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty failed in his attempt to return to office because he doesn't love Trump enough, and a bunch of other assholes won nomination too, including, no surprise, Scott Walker for re-election. We shall primarysplore!

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Culture

Fox News Ruining Shakespeare Now, By A Doctor Of Rhetoric

Blow, winds, and crack your tweets!

In response to a campaign by newspapers to print editorials condemning Donald Trump's attacks on the press, "Fox & Friends" offered radio talker Howie Carr, whom Trump supporters can enjoy without even knowing how to read, the chance Monday to stand up to all the bullies in the media, on behalf of poor misunderstood Donald Trump. Unfortunately, Carr decided to show off his own half-vast learning, throwing in a little Shakespeare for good measure (but not for measure). It didn't go so good, because Carr isn't exactly the sharpest tooth in the serpent's mouth, know what we mean?

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Post-Racial America

Dehumanization Is The Name Of Trump's Racist Game

It's a dog's life.

The president of the United States called a black woman a "dog" on Twitter Tuesday morning. It is common for folks who pride themselves on their supposed rational "level-headedness" to insist that Donald Trump's Twitter antics are part of some three-dimensional chess-like machinations intended to "distract" us from the Mueller investigation. But despite what Trump might think about my genetic stock, I'm capable of maintaining more than one competing thought in my head.

Sure, there's Russian collusion out the wazoo. Yes, immigrant children are still separated from their parents because of the Trump administration's cruel policies. But I also think whenever we dismiss something Trump does that would be a major story in any other presidency with a mammal chief executive, we help normalize this repulsive behavior.

I've mentioned before that every time Trump whips out his racist bullhorn, the "level-headed" brigade rapidly responds with examples of Trump also being an asshat to white guys and won't someone please think of them? "Doesn't Trump frequently call people dogs? He likes to take a Michael Vick theme to his personal insults." Charles M. Blow, who is more dedicated than I, looked into this claim, and it doesn't appear to be true.

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Elections

Lordy, There Are Tapes! Wonkagenda for Wed., Aug. 15, 2018

Paul Manafort might be going to jail, Omarosa keeps talking, and Democrats get diverse. Your morning news brief!

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Elections

It's A Kansas Kobach Clusterfuck, And We Are LOVING IT!

It's a shame they can't both lose. Yet.

Republicans are devouring each other's carcasses, and we are here for it! Especially when one of those Republicans is King Kris of the Kansas Votefucker Klan ... errr, Clan! It's been a week since Kansans cast their votes in the gubernatorial primary, and the GOP looks to be rolling up its sleeves for a slugfest.

As we type, Kobach leads by 298 votes out of more than 314,000 cast -- a whopping 0.00095 percent, if you round up! The Kansas GOP begged Donald Trump to stay out of the race and leave the field clear for sitting governor Jeff Colyer, who took over when Sam Brownback wandered off to bring Jesus to the Hottentots on behalf of the US government. Safe bet that Colyer would be gearing up for the general election now if President Twitterthumbs hadn't flapped his yap. So thanks for that, Donny!

No, really, THANKS!

Remember the hanging chad debacle in Florida? Now picture it in a landlocked state with more cows than people. It's like fantasy island for Devin Nunes, ALLEGEDLY.

Oh, but we are to kid!

After first insisting he wasn't going to recuse from the counting, Secretary of State Kris Kobach (one and the same!) wrote Colyer a fabulously bitchy letter agreeing to hand off the tabulation to his deputy, Eric Rucker. Colyer had made the shocking suggestion that Kobach delegate responsibility to the Kansas attorney general, rather than his own political appointee, and Kobach was stretched out on the settee with a fit of the vapors at the gross impropriety of it all!

I will not breach the public trust and arbitrarily assign my responsibilities to another office that is not granted such authority by the laws of Kansas.

After several anguished paragraphs, Kobach closed by remonstrating that Colyer was betraying his office by destroying the faith of Kansans in the sacred integrity of their electoral process.

As governor of Kansas, your unrestrained rhetoric has the potential to undermine the public's confidence in the election process. May I suggest that you trust the people of Kansas have made the right decision at the polls and that our election officials will properly determine the result as they do in every election.

Said the guy whose entire adult life has been dedicated to whipping up panic about millions of imaginary illegal alien voters.

So now these two princes can kick the crap out of each other WITH VOTES, specifically, provisional ballots cast by unaffiliated voters under the supervision of poorly trained poll workers. Kansas holds closed primaries, meaning only registered Republicans can vote to select the GOP candidate, BUT an unaffiliated voter can cast a vote by checking a box identifying as a Democrat or a Republican at the polling place. This was news to some poll workers, who mistakenly directed over one thousand unaffiliated voters to use provisional ballots without checking the box indicating party preference. Whoops!

So, will those provisional ballots be counted based on voter intent? Or tossed based on strict interpretation of the statute? And does Kansas law mandate tossing mail-in ballots that arrive without a postmark on Wednesday, since there's no forensic proof that they were mailed before midnight on Tuesday? And how disgusted will the Kansas electorate be when one of these assholes emerges from the melée holding the other one's scalp? And how many millions of dollars are going to be spent on litigating the Republican primary while this nice lady Laura Kelly, the Democratic minority whip of the Kansas Senate, is out campaigning for November?

Even before this debacle, Kobach looked significantly weaker against Kelly than Colyer, with self-funded Libertarian Jeff Orman threatening to throw a wrench in the works. The Wichita Eagle reports on a Remington Research Poll conducted in July:

In a Kelly-Orman-Kobach race, the poll puts Kelly and Kobach effectively in a dead heat — 36 percent for Kelly and 35 percent for Kobach, with Kelly's lead within the margin of error. Orman has 12 percent.

Colyer leads in a three-way race with Kelly and Orman, according to the poll. In that scenario, Colyer receives 38 percent of the vote, while Kelly gets 28 percent and Orman receives 10 percent.

Which is ONE POLL, in a deeply red state, but ... Kobach is a crap candidate who's likely to emerge from this fight with two black eyes and a pissed off base. If there's anyone who can blow this election, it's Kris Kobach.

Keep fighting, Kris! You can do it! (And now we need a shower.)

And YOU need an OPEN THREAD!

Follow your FDF on Twitter!

Money us, PLEASE! Throw a tip in the jar, or click here to keep your Wonkette snarking forever.

[Kobach letter / Wichita Eagle / Mother Jones / Kansas City Star]

Russia

Little Rascals Hack Voting Machines Like A Bunch Of Crazy Ivans

They can also get the dirty channels the Boob Tube.

While most people spent this weekend telling Nazi punks to fuck off, a couple 11-year-olds were in Las Vegas hacking into voting machines. Why? BECAUSE IT'S FUN!

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Russia

Trump's New Lie About Russian Treason Meeting Allows For Possibility Trump Jr. Is Massive Fuckup

THE FUCK YOU SAY!

Want your latest Omarosa scoop? FUCK YOU, THIS IS A SERIOUS WEBSITE.

OK fine, it is that according to her new book, Donald "Daddy" Trump was really fucking pissed last year when his idiot son Donald "Unfortunately Shaped Offspring" Trump took it upon himself to tweet out the email chain that led to his Trump Tower Russian Treason Meeting. And after Daddy had worked so hard dictating a lie statement about that meeting on Air Force One, to cover everybody's ass! Ungrateful little shit.

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Post-Racial America

Stephen Miller, America's Last Bastion Against Humanity

You know WHO ELSE abandoned refugees? Oh, yeah, it was America, in 1939.

Did you read that amazing essay from Stephen Miller's uncle about why young Stephen is a hypocrite and a traitor to his very family's heritage? Please read that. We'll wait.

OK, let's move on.

Vanity Fair brings us a good infuriating read on Stephen Miller's successful stealth campaign to gut US refugee policy in the first two years of the Trump administration. Unlike Steve Bannon, who lived for upsetting the libs, Miller is a somewhat more subtle thug. Sure, he was clearly a driving force behind Trump policies like family separation and moves to denaturalize citizens whenever possible, but as Vanity Fair's Abigail Tracy reports, Miller has also been very busy building rot into what had been a robust system that aided refugees -- and he's managed in remarkably short time to not just strangle refugee resettlement in the US, he's also put people in place to undermine our involvement in international refugee policy. America is first, so the lives of tens of millions of refugees are, by necessity, no longer of concern. Let them die someplace else, OK?

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State/Local Politics

Jew-Hating Demon Hunter Lady Gets To Tell Florida Schoolchildren What To Believe, Hooray!

First Amendment, shmirst amendment.

School principals across the lovely state of Florida are getting a real special delivery this week -- giant, 1984-looking signs with the state's motto emblazoned across them, to be displayed prominently in their schools. That motto? "In God We Trust."

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Post-Racial America

In Reality Show Trump Presidency, Omarosa Might Be The Best Player

She told them she had receipts!!

Omarosa Manigault Newman has been on a whirlwind tour promoting her book, which reveals things we already knew: The Trump campaign/administration was and is a shit show filled with nepotism, racists, liars, sycophants and opportunists. But like Sean "P. Diddy" Combs once said, "I thought I told you that we won't stop," and Omarosa is doing just that. But with tapes!

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Guns

DHS Will Stop School Shootings By Teaching Kids Bleeding Is FUNdamental!

Triage 4 Teenz!

The Trump Administration is finally doing something about school shootings! Nope, nothing to keep guns out of the hands of people bent on killing as many people as quickly as possible, that would be tyranny. But Homeland Security, in a move that ought to make Rick Santorum proud, will be awarding a $1.8 million grant to teach high school kids how to control massive bleeding. As part of overall first-aid training like CPR, it's not a horrible idea. We're just not sure the My First Sucking Chest Wound textbooks are age appropriate.

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Russia

Paul Manafort's Defense Rests Without Calling Witnesses. Guess Nobody Answered Their Craigslist Ad.

Today we're all Judge Ellis. WRAP IT UP, BOYS!

HALLELUJAH! The Prosecution rests! And the defense rests, without calling any witnesses! We may actually get to the end of Paul Manafort's Virginia trial before the DC hearings start in September. (We're in hell, right? This is definitely hell.)

Let's review the last 24 hours of the trial before closing arguments start, shall we?

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Elections

Florida GOP Candidate Busted For Possession Of PhD (Phony Diploma)

There's still time to transfer to Trump University

Florida GOP state House candidate Melissa Howard apologized Monday for falsely stating (wait, she's not Donald Trump and this isn't the New York Times, the lady straight-up lied) that she'd graduated from Miami University (the one in Ohio):

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News

President Stable Genius Knows Where 'Nipple' Is. DO U?

'I'll take Catch The Semen for $500, Trebek.'

Anybody want to talk about the conniption Grandpappy Hamster Dick is having on Twitter right now? Us neither! This post is about how your president is a fucking idiot whose brain doesn't even work, but there's no need to talk about his tweets right now. The only way this post relates to that is that this morning he has twice sent and twice deleted tweets that referred to the "special councel," because he absolutely refuses to learn how that word is spelled.

Fucking moron.

Let's talk about how Donald Trump didn't know what "Nepal" was, and when he saw it on a map, he called it "Nipple."

Keep reading... Show less
Guns

Florida Creep Actually Charged For Allegedly Rage-Murdering Black Guy, Can You Believe It?

Or maybe they'll slap him on the wrist because he was 'standing his ground.' One of the two!

Michael Drejka, the guy who shot and killed Markeis McGlockton in front of McGlockton's girlfriend and children in a Clearwater, Florida, convenience store parking lot, was finally arrested and charged with manslaughter Monday. Drejka had initially been turned loose after the local sheriff decided the shooting was legal under Florida's "stand your ground" law, AKA the Open Season on Black People Act. Now that charges have been filed against Drejka, get ready for rightwing media to declare him a brave avatar of self-defense, because after all, McGlockton shoved him, so he feared for his life, don't you know.

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Post-Racial America

Trump Prefers Defense Bills That Weren't Captured. Wonkagenda For Tuesday, August 14, 2018

Prosecution rests in Manafort case, Stephen Miller somehow gets creepier, and Trump/Omarosa still saying dumb shit. Your morning news brief.

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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