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'Fake Melania' Is The Conspiracy Theory We All Need To Believe In Right Now

Science

A new conspiracy theory has emerged on the internet, and for once, it is actually quite delightful! Not in the "oh my god they think spraying vinegar into the air will keep the chemtrails away?" way, but in the "I WANT TO BELIEVE" kind. And that is the theory that Melania Trump has a body double who has been making appearances for her.

According to some internet folks, the Melania we see in this interview has a TOTALLY DIFFERENT NOSE from the real Melania. Sure, you could say she is maybe just wearing weird glasses, but what is the fun in that?

WE AT WONKETTE ARE 100% HERE FOR THIS.

Real picture of Wonkette chatcave right now.

It actually makes a certain amount of sense. Clearly, Melania is repulsed by her terrible husband, and skeeves his very touch. It would be quite reasonable for her to want to hire someone to do that for her. I know I would.

Let's be real. All Melania truly signed up for was a super rich old husband who was supposed to keel over and die and leave her lots of money. She did not sign up to be married to the worst and most humiliating president the country has ever seen. How is she ever going to rejoin New York society now?

I have an additional theory to posit as well here -- that there are multiple Melanias, but that they are all robots, with slightly different noses. It could happen! We all saw "Small Wonder" as children. The real Melania is somewhere on a tropical island drinking daiquiris and shtupping virile young pool boys.

IT COULD HAPPEN. And I would totally watch the Lifetime movie about it.

[Newsweek]

Add some money to our tip jars so we can all hire body doubles!

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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The House Freedom Caucus is at it again, and this time they're taking aim at fellow Republican Rod Rosenstein. Politico reported Friday that Mark Meadows (R-Cackalacky) and Jim Jordan (R-Coverup) are ginning up support to impeach the deputy attorney general. See, Rosenstein is in BIG TROUBLE MISTER for refusing to turning over all the DOJ's confidential source material on the Russia investigation so that the GOP treason weasels can selectively leak it to their pals at Fox.

Rod Rosenstein does not have time for this shit -- he's busy right now indicting all those Russian military officials for hacking our election!

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