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In response to anti-abortion legislation that Michigan Planned Parenthood calls the “biggest assault on women’s health in our state’s history,” kick-ass state Rep. Rashida Tlaib called on ladies to to go Full Lysistrata to keep this from becoming law. (That is not Rashida Tlaib in the video above; it is Rep. Lisa Brown, being whorish by uttering the shocking swear "vagina" when discussing women's vaginas. Rep. Brown had to go sit in the naughty corner for the rest of the day.)

Tlaib didn’t go far enough, obviously. There are some Arizona Michigan lawmakers who should never, ever again get sexed by a lady because of these bills and so many other reasons.

Speaker of the House Jase Bolger (R)

Bolger told Brown and her fellow representative Barb Byrum they would not be allowed to speak for the rest of the day for having used the whorish words “vagina” and “vasectomy” in the mixed company of the state house floor. Words make him uncomfortable. Jase Bolger may not be emotionally mature enough to sex, so don’t sex him.

State Sen. Roger Kahn (R)

There’s a writer named Roger Kahn who hung out with Jackie Robinson and wrote a book about it. This is not him. This Kahn once compared a judge to Soviet firing squads because the judge made a billionaire honor a contract. Do do not sex this plutocrat-loving drink of water.

Rep. Dave Agema (R)

Agema, a Republican National Committeeman, is awful in so many ways. One time he tried to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans. Seriously. Even Dickens villains agree, do not sex Dave Agema.

Sen. Coleman Young, II (D)

The (blood test-confirmed) son of legendary Detroit mayor Coleman Young, Jr. once gave a legislative invocation that (among other bizarre things) included this: “We know that with Your almighty power behind us, Father God, that we can form an invincible juggernaut, we can form a league of bipartisanship, we can create an omnipotent supernova…” Omnipotent supernovas cannot be good for lady parts. Also, hello? Separation of church and state. No sexing Coleman II.

former Sen. David Jaye (R)

This guy was booted from the legislature after allegations of drunk driving, domestic violence, and porn on his work computer. Also, one time a gun fell out of his pocket in the state Capitol. Not only should no lady ever sex David Jaye, no man should ever sex any lady who sexes David Jaye. Look at the dude. Gross.

Democratic Six (D)

These six Democrats (Charles Brunner, Paul Clemente, Bob Constan, George Darany, Richard LeBlanc, Lesia Liss) voted in support of legislation Planned Parenthood calls “biggest assault on women’s health in our state’s history.” Democrats. Ladies, never sex the above people ever again.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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