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A Children's Treasury Of Ridiculous Write-In Votes Against Georgia Congressman and Witchfinder General Paul Broun

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Rep. Paul Broun (R-Gethsemane) is in a pretty safe district, being that Georgia's 10th is about as far-right and uber-religious as they come. Broun is the one, you recall, who is a medical doctor who does not believe in medicine, who runs around yelling things like -- and we are not making this quote up -- "All that stuff I was taught about evolution and embryology and the Big Bang Theory, all that islies straight from the pit of Hell."


This time around, the gentleman scholar from Athens ran unopposed for his seat in the House -- but that does not mean people did not oppose him. This post was originally about how 4,000 voters wrote in "Charles Darwin" against Broun, because how sad is that, that the poor libruls have given up fielding candidates and are now just voting for dead scientists.

But! There is more! The charming folks at Flagpole magazine, because that's what every business is called in District 10, have gotten a full list of write-in votes there, and they are fabulous, and your Wonket people have gone through all 371 pages of them, to bring you the big, grand, super-democratic list of candidates people would rather vote for than Paul Broun. (Okay, and a few other races that didn't have a Dem on the ticket.)

There will be no more commentary, aside from that there were votes in several D-10 races for Leslie Knope, 2 Chainz, John Coltrane, and, a personal favorite, "My dog, Charles." No word on whether that was related to another totally real vote cast for "Burning bag of dog shit," which was specifically against Broun.

The electoral angst of District 10 and its Republican slateĀ  is far, far funnier than any blogger could ever be, even though we suspect some of these candidates may not technically be eligible for office in Georgia. Here are some of the best votes against Broun, though they be a mite shuffled:

  • Oprah Winfrey
  • A bag of Rocks
  • Albus Dumbledore
  • A human being with a brain or at least not a religious fanatic
  • A wet rag
  • Alexander Hamilton
  • Anybody else on the planet
  • Bob Dylan
  • Ao;Pw0DDAAEYRKWW
  • Bambi
  • Bart Simpson
  • Big Bird
  • Bill Nye The Science Guy
  • Bill Clinton
  • Ben Franklin
  • Beyonce
  • Bob Ross
  • Brian
  • Burning bag of dog shit
  • Captain Jack Sparrow
  • Captain Kirk
  • Charles 'Fuck Paul Broun' Darwin
  • Charles Barkley
  • Charlie Brown
  • Chavez
  • Chewbacca
  • Cgycj Birrus
  • CM Punk
  • Cthulu
  • Copernicus
  • David Foster Wallace
  • David Tennant
  • Dog Shit
  • Eleanor Roosevelt
  • Elmer Fudd
  • Freedom
  • Evolution Is Real
  • Greg Allman
  • Harry Truman
  • Honey Boo Boo
  • Homer Simpson
  • Homo erectus
  • Howdy Doody
  • Humpty Dumpty
  • James Carter
  • Jesus Christ
  • John Scopes
  • Julian Assange
  • Lady Gaga
  • Lebron James
  • Led Zepplin
  • Literally anyone else
  • Lurr, ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8
  • Madea
  • McCommunist
  • Ultramantis Black
  • Maya Angelou
  • Michael Stipe
  • Mohammed
  • Mr T
  • Mom
  • Chris Christie
  • Clint Eastwood
  • Cookie Monster
  • Neil DeGrass Tyson
  • Neil Gaimam
  • No way Jose
  • Noam Chomsky
  • Obamaaaa
  • Obi Wan
  • OMFG
  • Optimus Prime
  • Pedro
  • Publix sub
  • Ron Swanson
  • Science
  • Skagnor
  • Subcomandante
  • The Great Pumpkin
  • Taylor Swift
  • Toby Keith
  • Vermin Supreme
  • Voldemort
  • Yoda
  • Willie Nelson
  • Willy Wonka
  • Zelda

And here are some of D-10's other glorious write-ins, for freedom:

  • 2 Chainz
  • Christopher Hitchens
  • Clarence Darrow
  • Dracula
  • Dr. Mhm
  • Guy Fawkes
  • Fidel Castro
  • Howard Zinn
  • Huey Lewis
  • Harry Potter
  • Jay Z
  • Liz Lemon
  • Mitch
  • Peppy Le Pew
  • Rufus Wainwright
  • Seagrams Ginger Ale
  • Teddy Roosevelt
  • Stan Lee
  • Tom Jones
  • Tony Stark
  • YOLO
  • The Rock
  • Tim Allen
  • Turd sandwich
  • Weird Al
  • Matt Ryan
  • Elenor Rigby
  • Hulk Hogan
  • Mtn Dew
  • Pluto
  • Popeye
  • Alan Turing
  • Cher
  • Freud
  • Furby
  • Hairy Dawg
  • Mike Vick
  • Waka Flocka Flame
  • Bubba Gump
  • Dale Earnhardt Jr
  • John Grisham
  • Judge Dredd
  • Poop
  • Qbert
  • Rambo
  • Ronald Reagan
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Ted Nugent
  • Zoidberg
  • Al Gore
  • Buddy Rommer
  • David A. Titshaw [note: He is real, not just hilariously named]
  • Eagle
  • Eugene Victor Debs
  • Jarvis Muthafuckin Jones
  • George Clooney
  • George Patton
  • Hello Kitty
  • Hillary Clinton
  • Jesus
  • Joel Osteen
  • King of Kings
  • Mars Curiosity Rover
  • Satan
  • Truth
  • A Clown
  • F
  • Foxeye
  • Iggy Pop
  • Ron Swanson
  • Spongebob Squarepants
  • Stephen Davis
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Anthony Bourdain
  • Anyone else
  • Bacon
  • Batman
  • Darth Vader
  • Any sentient being
  • Elmo
  • John Coltrane
  • Jon Stewart
  • Kobe Bryant
  • Leslie Knope
  • Luke Skywalker
  • Mickey Mouse
  • Mr Ed
  • My dog, Charles
  • Stephen Colbert
  • William Jefferson Clinton

Democracy, a beautiful thing. [Flagpole, via tipster Sara Kate W]

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Robbin Young. Fair use so we can all see the boob picture she sent to her 12 true loves.

Robbin Young starred in the Roger Moore masterpiece For Your Eyes Only as the seventh female lead, "Girl in Flower Shop." She also starred in a bunch of Playboys, and the DM's of a humble Romanian hacker who stole her heart. But he was not a humble Romanian hacker, he was 12 Russian military intelligence officers in a trench coat. And now Young has shared those DMs and pictures of her buzzies with the Sun, because that's the one that's fookin' classy.

See how she loved! See how Guccifer ghosted her ass! See how she loves him (them) still! See how she was all up in Seth Rich and shit! (We think Young's judgment might not be awesome.) Also she wrote this "erotic poem," and we're going to need you to read it.

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And now it is time for your weekly reminder that in the Trump era, FUCKING APESHIT OUTRAGE WORKS.

On Monday, Donald Trump, the transactional president who for some godforsaken reason sees Vladimir Putin has his one true father, discussed making an Art Of The Deal with Russia that involved letting Robert Mueller interrogate the Russian spies who hacked America in 2016 (with Russian supervision, of course, in Russia) in exchange for sending Putin whichever American citizens hurt Putin's poor fragile butthurt pansy-ass feelings the past several years. One of Putin's targets is Michael McFaul, the former ambassador to Russia, whom Putin just hates. Hillary Clinton isn't on the official list yet, but give it a few weeks.

On Wednesday, Sarah Huckabee Sanders looked at reporters and told them Trump's people were considering the idea, but hadn't decided yet, because it's so hard for the Trump administration to decide how many treasons to do per week.

But hooray! The White House has decided that, after literally every American with a patriotic bone in his or her body said, "THE FUCK YOU SAY," they will not send Americans to Putin's gulag after all. The Washington Post reports:

The White House announced Trump's opposition Thursday as the Senate prepared to vote on a resolution telling the president not to honor Putin's request, which would have exposed former U.S. ambassador Michael McFaul, among others, to Russian questioning.

"It is a proposal that was made in sincerity by President Putin, but President Trump disagrees with it," White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a statement.

Oh my fucking Lord, Shuckabee, did you really type that Putin's offer was "sincere," or did Donald grab the statement after you finished with it and add those words in illiterate Sharpie in the margins, along with "DOES NOT MEAN PUTIN IS NOT MY BEST FRIEND" and "NO COLLUSION"?

By the way, that resolution passed the Senate with flying colors:

WOMP WOMP, Trump! Sorry American freedom and democracy stepped all over your dick again! Guarantee it's gonna happen again! Go fuck yourself! Enjoy the 48 Big Macs you have for dinner tonight! Don't talk directly into the soccer ball Putin gave you, 'less you want it to talk back to you in Russian!

OK post over.

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[Washington Post]

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