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A Hobo's Guide To Profiting From The Election

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You might be reluctant to vote today. It's certainly understandable: Maybe it's raining, or maybe you live in one of the 48 states that isn't a count-y one, or most likely, your identity has already been plagiarized by an ACORN. But not voting means foregoing that declarative fashion sticker, plus missing out on all of the following free pleasantries.


  • Babeland: The sex toy shoppe is giving away vibrating pleasure things named after John McCain's chatroom alias, "The Maverick." Obviously, this offer's only good in New York City and Seattle, the two places where Jesus can't see you. [Babeland]
  • Ben & Jerry's: The fancy liberal ice-cream chain is celebrating democracy by distributing free scoops from 5 - 8 PM. [Ben & Jerry's]
  • Krispy Kreme: Pick up a star-shaped dough-nut with red and blue sprinkles.  [Krispy Kreme]
  • Starbucks: Tell the barista/o at your local Starbucks that you voted and you will be presented with a free "tall" -- that's elitist for "stale" -- coffee.  [YouTube]
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