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A Park Ranger Was Fired For Dancing On The Job In This Morning's Happy Links!

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BREAKING:Neil Gaiman has jumped on board to help us fight injustice at Happy Nice Time People! He retweeted a story we posted about a thing yr Editrix found: a man was fired for dancing at work! He was a happy park ranger, and now he is no kind of park ranger at all. Anyway, we are determined to help him out, which is why we've included him in this morning's Happy Links.


We began the revolution to LET DERYL DANCE! as his firing is the greatest injustice in the history of Tennessee except slavery and anything bad that has ever happened to Dolly Parton."

We "found" some "original" "poetry" by Gary Oldman. Or maybe we just took quotes from his recent Playboy interview and added some shit about nature, who can say?

We learned that A-Rod allegedly brought in some ladies of the night to his condo! Because hey, what is even the point of making twelve quintillion dollars if you can’t bring a hooker back to your swaggy $30k/month shag pad every once in a while, y’know?"

We chortled when Jon Stewart called Dick Cheney "America's tragedy herpe."

We longed to help the children of "Sister Wives." For the price of one cup of coffee a day WE COULD FEED Nickelback’s 17 kids!

We cringed as a man flipped off a scooter and survived thanks to a children's plaything! Just when you think he’s totally dead, dudebro (or ladysis, we do not know for sure!) is saved by a Deux Ex Kiddie Pool at just the right moment.

Find all this and more at Happy Nice Time People!

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Cripes the News has been awful lately! And so Yr Editrix suggested we find some good, positive news. Especially after we pitched writing a Wonket about this Mother Jones story on how global warming may be killing the whales, even though Donald Trump knows their prince. (Reply: "Nope. FOR SURE NOT THAT.") And so, as a reminder that a gooder world is possible and apropos of nothing at all that definitely didn't set your Editrix off on Twitter, where she has been stewing and bitching most shrillfully about the 2016 election and the 2020 election and any terrible similarities thereof and thereupon and therefore and thereto, we present a collection of videos of Elizabeth Warren yelling at big banks and calling for them to be broken up and their criminal operators to go to jail. Puppies and kittens will only get you so far, after all.

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Spinal Tap - Gimme Some Money

Some dick is suing your Wonkette! If you are able, will you please send money?

1. Pick "just once" or "monthly."

2. Pick an amount, like say "all of the money."

3. Click "paypal" if you are paypal or "stripe" if you are not paypal.

4. MONEY.

5. Carry on with your day, and with new posts below!

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