A Preemptive Strike on Girls Night Out

Found on Craigslist, apologizing in advance:

Dear Self:

I am writing you in advance of this evening’s happenings; because I am convinced tomorrow I will be too hung over to apologize. And its not that I wouldn’t apologize, because I would, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be doing one of several things including, but not limited to:

  1. Hanging my head over the toilet….both in sickness and in shame.

  2. Lying in bed groaning, desperately trying to think of yet another excuse to call out of work on Friday, even though everyone knows it was because I went out drinking and not because my basement flooded for the 4th time this month.

  3. Waking up at 6am in some strange boy’s place, silently repeating “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” in my head as I attempt to stealthily gather all my clothing without waking what’s-his-name.

  4. Least likely, but possible, I may actually be at work. The misery that I would endure if this was to happen is too great to fathom. I am cotton mouthed and nauseous simply thinking about it.
Jenna writes pretty well for a state school grad, no?

An open letter to myself: preemptive apology for future actions [Craigslist]


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