Found on Craigslist, apologizing in advance:
Dear Self:Jenna writes pretty well for a state school grad, no?
I am writing you in advance of this evening’s happenings; because I am convinced tomorrow I will be too hung over to apologize. And its not that I wouldn’t apologize, because I would, but I have a sneaky suspicion that I will be doing one of several things including, but not limited to:
- Hanging my head over the toilet….both in sickness and in shame.
- Lying in bed groaning, desperately trying to think of yet another excuse to call out of work on Friday, even though everyone knows it was because I went out drinking and not because my basement flooded for the 4th time this month.
- Waking up at 6am in some strange boy’s place, silently repeating “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck” in my head as I attempt to stealthily gather all my clothing without waking what’s-his-name.
- Least likely, but possible, I may actually be at work. The misery that I would endure if this was to happen is too great to fathom. I am cotton mouthed and nauseous simply thinking about it.