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Abandoned Loser Donald Trump To (Probably) Cancel His GOP Debate

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What's this? Oh no, everyone grab hold of your weeping tissues this minute: Donald Trump is reportedly reconsidering his GOP debate comedy special after even Michele Bachmann suffered a rare fit of inspiration and declined the chance to be humiliated by one of her fellow cartoon characters. This leaves only Ol' Frothy and Ol' Flakey, Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich, to join Trump for the debate, but mechanically speaking a three-person circle jerk is just sort of difficult.


AP reports:

"I have to look into it," Trump told Fox Business Network when asked whether he would host a two-candidate debate.

Trump was most indignant about Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann skipping out.

"She came up to see me four times. She would call me and ask me for advice," Trump said. "She said if she wins, she would like to think about me for the vice presidency. Most importantly, I did a two-hour phone call for her with her people. ... And after all that, she announced she was not going to do the debate. It's called loyalty. How do you do that? It's amazing to me."

That's some serious wizardry right there, Donald Trump, magically making Michele Bachmann appear to have a little bit of dignity. [AP]

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Employees in Donald Trump's White House have the career mortality rate of Bubonic plague victims and are less attractive to future employers. Adding to the body count is Darren Beattie, one of Trump's speechwriters who was fired on Friday. It's a hard gig trying to make the thing currently squatting in the Oval Office sound like a functioning human being. Just take a quick look at Trump's E. coli-infected word salad when removed from a sanity-boosting Twitter format.

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In April of this year, Blake Farenthold, the footie pajama-wearing Texas congressman who once lamented that he couldn't challenge Susan Collins to a duel on account of her not having a penis, resigned from office -- several months after news broke that he had used $84,000 in taxpayer money to settle a sexual harassment suit brought against him by Lauren Greene, his former communications director. In the suit, Greene alleged that the Congressman told her that he had "wet dreams" about her and also informed her that she could show him her nipples. Just, you know, normal stuff like that.

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