Adorable 'Australia's Sarah Palin' Will Let The Jews Stay Because They Love Jesus; The Country 'Islam' Not So Much


Here is Stephanie Banister of Brisbane, who hopes to win a seat in Australia's Parliament for the fringey, anti-immigrant One Nation Party. In an interview Wednesday with Channel 7 News, she said, "I don't oppose Islam as a country, but I do feel that their laws should not be welcome here in Australia," because after all, only 2% of Australians "follow haram." Reporter Erin Edwards clarified that Banister probably meant "the Koran," but we're inclined to think she meant "sharia," like such as. "Haram" means "sinful" and is kind of the opposite of "halal;" she might as well have said that only 2% of Aussies follow treyf.

Her differently factual approach to politics is winning her comparisons to Sarah Palin, and while she has yet to gain a national following willing to throw money at her, she's already learned one vital lesson from the Snowbilly Grifter: Banister is blaming the media for making her look bad, what with all those unflattering direct quotations.

In addition to being OK with the country of Islam as long as they aren't shoving haram down people's throats, Banister would like to see halal food banned. No need for a similar ban on kosher food, though, since "Jews aren't under haram, they have their own religion which follows Jesus Christ."

Asked what she thought of a major issue in the election, the National Disability Insurance Scheme, Banister said she believes it's "working at the moment," although the program doesn't actually go into effect until 2016.

And she also didn't know the names of either of her opponents for the seat she hopes to win.

Banister's electoral hopes may be crushed, however, since she faces charges of product tampering after slapping stickers reading "Beware! Halal food funds terrorism!" on products at a shopping center. If she's found guilty, she would be disqualified from running. Hey, Australia, haven't you ever heard of a little thing called the First Amendment???

Following a solid day of mockery and comparisons to Miss Teen South Carolina, Banister complained that the Channel 7 interview had been misleadingly edited, deleting several places where she corrected herself:

"Unfortunately, they've completely twisted all my words and made me out to be a stand-up criminal and a stupid moron," she said.

She said she knew Islam was not a country and meant to say "Islamic countries."

When asked if she meant to say that 2 per cent of Australians followed haram, she replied: "Yes. Up to 2.5 per cent."

Oh, yes, she's definitely been studying the Sage of Wasilla.

[The Age / Guardian / Gawker via the tipline]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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The president of the United States called a black woman a "dog" on Twitter Tuesday morning. It is common for folks who pride themselves on their supposed rational "level-headedness" to insist that Donald Trump's Twitter antics are part of some three-dimensional chess-like machinations intended to "distract" us from the Mueller investigation. But despite what Trump might think about my genetic stock, I'm capable of maintaining more than one competing thought in my head.

Sure, there's Russian collusion out the wazoo. Yes, immigrant children are still separated from their parents because of the Trump administration's cruel policies. But I also think whenever we dismiss something Trump does that would be a major story in any other presidency with a mammal chief executive, we help normalize this repulsive behavior.

I've mentioned before that every time Trump whips out his racist bullhorn, the "level-headed" brigade rapidly responds with examples of Trump also being an asshat to white guys and won't someone please think of them? "Doesn't Trump frequently call people dogs? He likes to take a Michael Vick theme to his personal insults." Charles M. Blow, who is more dedicated than I, looked into this claim, and it doesn't appear to be true.

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