Al Franken's GOP Rival Mike McFadden Will Cut Obamacare Just Like He Cut His Child
True fact: when Al Franken began his 2008 run for Senate, many Minnesotans, including this particular portion of yr Wonkette, were worried that he would be a wacky sort of Senator. This did not seem like an unfounded worry, given Saturday Night Live and Stuart Smalley and the amazing spot-on Mick Jagger impersonation. But a weird thing happened! Al Franken is not a funny senator. He is a hard-working senator who has done cool things like get funding for service dogs for military members with PTSD and trying to increase funding for poor kids to actually get to eat at school. This message does not seem to have reached one of his potential GOP opponents, Mike McFadden, who is determined to out-funny Al Franken but instead comes off super creepy with this heartwarming story of how he took his kid's stitches out with a scissors because he was too cheap to have a doctor do it.
Did you watch that video? The "You lived" at 0:19 is, basically, the GOP/suburban dad official position on health care. No plan. Just cheap-ass cruelty that you pretend is stoicism. That's hilarious, right? Not going to the doctor to remove stitches -- things that closed up AN OPEN WOUND IN YOUR BODY -- is the very bestest health care plan since they invented health care plans. It shows fortitude! It shows self-reliance! It shows frugality! It shows that you have little to no idea of why doctors exist or what healthcare is!
And don't even get us started on how he extends the metaphor -- that if he took a scissors to his kid, he'll do the same to Obamacare. Great, because some non-expert flailing about and the willy-nilly cutting of things is just what Washington needs, as there has been a real dearth of that.
We must take a moment to note that Al Franken does still on occasion send out hilarious fundraising emails like "People in Stock Photos for Al Franken" but those are targeted at those of us who are already all about Al. Also, too, we are reasonably sure that Al Franken does not attempt to perform surgical procedures on his family members in lieu of sending them to a doctor.
A special message to those of you that are going to show up in the comments and explain how you took yours or your beloved's stitches out with a scissors or a pocket knife: this is not a selling point, nor does it qualify you to serve in the Senate.