Al Makes It Official: He's In It & He's In It To Win
Long ago in America, before hard-core pornography was on every computer and TiVo and mobile phone, a New York publisher caused outrage by distributing a porno newspaper called Screw. He became famous for this, and also hosted one of those New York cable-access porno things that now seem quaint compared to, say, Abu Ghraib.
That publisher is 71-year-old Al Goldstein, and he just announced he's running for president. While he used to be a hairy dirty hippie surrounded by hirsute naked hippie chicks, now he's basically Larry David. Here he is on the Issues of the Day:
* Obama has a silly name; can't be president.
* He hates dwarves and fat people, while polar bears often fight.
* Jabbers incoherently on the subject of marriage.
* Charmingly believes sex terms are shocking.
That's all! We just wanted to make a headline that would falsely suggest Gore had announced. Suckaz!