Al-Qaeda's New Goal: Ruining Our Credit Score
Michael Chertoff rented this tux, because the terrorists wanted him to buy. (Photo by Liz Gorman)
Congress and the American public must accept that the government cannot protect every possible target against attack if it wants to avoid fulfilling Al Qaeda's goal of bankrupting the nation, Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff told a Senate committee Tuesday.
Wait, al-Qaeda's goal is bankrupting the United States? If that was true, wouldn't they, like, be calling the central banks of China and Japan and shouting "sell!"? Or, like, investing heavily in the Pound?
See, we were convinced their goal was a) scaring the shit of us and b) getting us out of Saudi Arabia. Which, you know, mission accomplished. But no, apparently they just want our cars repossessed and, like, social security reform.