Alabama Congressional Candidate Applies Second Amendment Solutions To Obamacare
This fine marksman here is Mr. Will Brooke, a serious businessman who's challenging incumbent Spencer Bachus in the GOP primary for Alabama's sixth congressional district. And he just wants you to know that he dislikes this terrible Obamacare law so much that he will kill it dead with live ammo, in an exciting homage to that 2011 ad where Joe Manchin shot a cap-and-trade bill he did not like. The Onion was wrong: in the future, all political discourse will not be pictures of Calvin peeing on things. It will be people shooting pieces of paper.
You learn a lot about Mr. Brooke from this ad. “We’re down here to have a little fun today and talk about two serious subjects: the Second Amendment, and see how much damage we can do to this copy of Obamacare,” he says, and then he treats us to a pretty nifty woodworking tutorial on building a wooden frame to hold the "thousands of pages" of the Affordable Care Act, which by the way did you know that most of the people who passed it never even read it? We'd have preferred to see more of the carpentry, because Mr. Brooke seems pretty handy.
A lot of the ad is almost a remake of the Manchin ad, only with a wider variety of guns -- the Daily Caller dutifully informs us he shoots the stack of paper with "a .40 Glock pistol, a .270 Cooper rifle and an AR-15," all in beautiful slow motion. This proves that the Second Amendment enshrines an individual right of firearms ownership, free from background checks, magazine size limits, or other burdensome infringements.
When he's unable to do more than just poke some holes in the law -- which, admittedly, is more than House Republicans have managed in over 50 votes -- Brooke says "Looks like we’ll have to resort to more extreme measures to get rid of Obamacare and replace it with a market based solution.” (We will just leave that there for all you happy communists who are so thrilled to not have a socialist, non-market-based healthcare system in place.) And then he feeds the pile of paper into a wood chipper, which proves another important political fact: Sheets of paper fed into a wood chipper appear to come out the other end as sheets of (strangely blank) paper, not as shredded fluff. Maybe Brooke should shoot those scraps, too, just to be sure. And then burn them, and jump up and down on the ashes, and salt the earth. Otherwise, how can we know that he really dislikes Obamacare?
We were kind of hoping the ad would end with Brooke driving away from the pile of semi-shredded paper, saying "And to hell with the EPA, too."
Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. He can't wait for ads with people shooting pictures of Calvin peeing on things.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.