Alex Jones Is Advising Trump On How Hillary Clinton Will Use Chemtrails To Steal The Election

Alex Jones, a man who believes the government is putting chemicals in juice boxes to turn kids gay, has announced that he is now personally advising Donald Trump on some very important matters. Like how to avoid having the election stolen from him! And, we hope, lots of other things also.

Jones says that he personally talked to Trump about how he thinks this is going to be managed, and says Trump was totally on the same page with him on all of this -- and even ahead of him! Probably because, as a very rich person, he is very familiar with the ways of the illuminati.

One of the things Jones said would happen would be that "Homeland Security was going to go in and probably bring in U.N. observers, to make sure illegals and people could vote, and change the debate away from election fraud, to retail voter fraud, which is individuals cheating rather than the computers being hacked."

Yes, that seems very likely indeed! Oh, and not only are they going to do that, but "they" are going to put out all fake polls saying that he is losing when in reality he is WINNING!

And I said you’ve gotta do it while you’re still way ahead in the polls cause they’re going to start skewing the polls obviously and saying you’re behind -- that’s a standard tactic -- you need to go now with this information so that when you’re actually still ahead you talk about the fraud.

You'll be ahead all the way through, but they’re going to put out the fake polls that you’re way behind and actually create that perception. And obviously Trump was right there. And Trump did it. That’s why they’re so scared of him. I mean, they are having to put on adult diapers over this guy, okay?

Wow, that is a very sneaky thing of "them" to do. Who are "they" though? Lizard people? The Rothschilds? Colonel Sanders? Bohemian Grove? Jesuit clones? Human alien hybrids? Maybe Obama really did go through with his plan to replace all of humanity with cyborgs, and those are the "people" that will be rigging the election? The possibilities are, in fact, endless when you are totally just making shit up. My personal hope is that somehow they use chemtrails to steal the election. Or fluoride! Or chemtrails infused with fluoride!

Of course, Jones is gonna have to be more careful about advertising this, given that he already has concerns about Hillary Clinton having him killed! Jones has had to load up on guns in recent days to protect himself from this definite possibility. Even his green screen is at risk!

In fact, he is so very in fear for his life that he has pinned this video to the top of his Twitter timeline imploring the world to investigate Hillary Clinton if he dies.

It is actually quite weird that Hillary Clinton and her illuminati friends have not yet offed Alex Jones! Or like, any of the other people on YouTube valiantly exposing them! Are they just super bad at illuminati-ing? I guess so! I mean, if these illuminati lizard people and Hillary Clinton are supposed to be in charge of the entire world, and they are fucking up so badly that Alex Jones is out there spreading the truth with no consequences whatsoever, how can we even trust them to steal an election?

Do we need to put more fluoride in the chemtrails? How do we give him Morgellon's? I mean, as a member of the Mainstream Media (I think?) -- or at the very least, the Lamestream Media, I feel like my voice ought to be included in these matters. I'm not sure if I count as an official member of the illuminati -- maybe just like an associate member like Shannon Kilbourne was in The Babysitters Club? And I feel we are not doing enough to fuck with Alex Jones and Donald Trump. Let's ramp this up, fellow lizard people!

[Media Matters]

Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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