Alex Jones Saves Dallas JFK Commemoration From Being Alex Jonesless, Shouts Self Hoarse, Gets Punched


Here's some exciting video of Alex Jones basically not understanding how a bullhorn works, screaming a the top of his lungs into an amplification device until he has a coughing fit. He was in Dallas today to protest the exclusion of conspiracy theorists from the city's official commemoration of JFK's assassination, because America needs the truth about Lizard Harvey Oswald and the Cigarette-Smoking Man. Yr Doktor Zoom is among the sheeple who thinks Oswald acted alone, but even if we thought there was anything to a conspiracy scenario, knowing that Alex Jones found it likely would dissuade us from believing it.

Here's a sampling of the Uncomfortable Truths that Jones shared with his radio/interwebs audience:

"Your children have no future. There are cancer viruses in their vaccines. You're being killed by eugenics. They write books about how they're doing it to you, and you're up there laughing. Well, that's why your kid can't talk. That's why so many of you that work for the system -- your wife's dying young, you're going to die young, and you will go to your grave worshipping the government."

We would just like to point out that our kid talks, plenty, albeit mostly on Facebook, but maybe that is not what Mr. Jones is getting at. Probably something to do with that army of cyborgs that's going to take over.

Also, let's give credit to The Atlantic Wire for the Best Updated Headline of the Year: "Update: Then He Got Punched." Who among us hasn't wanted to write that update?

Is there video? Not exactly, but there probably will be eventually. For now, here is video of the audio of Jones describing being attacked by jackbooted sheriffs or cops or lizard people:

One of them punched me, from about six inches away, looking that there were no cameras — pow, hoping I'd do something. But it was into my rib, it wasn't that bad. … It did take me off guard and then [mimes being struck] "boom!" "boom!" "boom!" "boom!" and we're like, "Woah, let us go!"

[Transcript of Jones runnin his pissflaps thanks to The Atlantic Wire.]

Also, we are living in both Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union, and the treatment of Alex Jones, according to his cohost, is "a live demonstration of the spirit of the people that assassinated Kennedy."

As we went to press, the whereabouts of Irate Boston Man could not be verified.


Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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