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Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Does Not *Not* Say She Wants To Eat Delicious Babies

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A visibly disturbed woman crashed Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's town hall yesterday at the Queens Public Library. The supposed constituent declared during the question-and-answer session that Krypton was doomed (not really) and only the most extreme options remained for mankind's survival.

DISTURBED WOMAN: We're not going to be here for much longer, because of the climate crisis. We only have a few months left. I love that you support the Green Deal, but it's not gonna get rid of fossil fuel. It's not going to solve the problem fast enough. A Swedish professor said we can eat dead people, but it's not fast enough! So, I think your next campaign slogan needs to be this: We've got to start eating babies.

That is a terrible campaign slogan. During her rant, she removed her jacket to reveal a T-shirt that stated "Save The Planet, Eat The Children." The lady has one policy proposal and it's inconsistent. Are we dining on babies cooked in their own adorable fat or stuffing gristly, zit-covered teenagers in the slow cooker? I need to know more before I commit to cannibalism.

'We need to eat the babies' says woman to Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez www.youtube.com


This crackpot was obviously a plant, and the late Lyndon LaRouche's PAC took credit like they were ISIS. The amateur Andy Kaufman clumsily invokes "A Modest Proposal," Jonathan Swift's 1729 satirical essay that stupid people like to reference but have probably never actually read. I'm not a doctor of rhetoric, but what made Swift's satire work is that it slowly builds to its absurd twist and never abandons its sober composure. The essay would've been far less effective if Swift sounded like a crazy lady on the F train (especially since there were no subways at the time). Also, the Swedish professor the woman mentions was apparently making a larger point about meat consumption and not advocating for a final Soylent Green solution.

AOC didn't have the woman forcibly removed nor did she exclaim, "Girl, where you been? I've chowed down on babies for years. I even sneak a bag of them into the movie theater." She was genuinely concerned that people might mock someone truly suffering. This is a stark contrast from Republicans who immediately assume any angry person at one of their town halls is a Soros-funded agent of chaos.

Professional moron Donald Trump Jr. didn't just presume the plant was legit. He gleefully labeled her a "normal AOC supporter." His father took a break from committing impeachable offenses on live TV to join the emotionally stunted pile on.

You think you'd be nicer to members of the House of Representatives when they're about to serve on your jury. Trump probably rightly assumes AOC is a safe "yes" vote for impeachment. Conservatives rushed to attack Ocasio-Cortez for how she reacted to a seemingly distraught woman at her town hall. Tucker Carlson argued last night that the congresswoman didn't make it clear enough that she opposed cannibalism.

CARLSON: If someone said to you, "We need to eat the babies," wouldn't your first response be, "What? No! Of course not!" That's the one thing [AOC] didn't say … pretty revealing.

BBC broadcaster and writer Matthew Sweet quickly pointed out that this was all a scam, one that AOC haters fell for like a sack of unfeeling bricks. The woman was connected to the Lyndon LaRouche PAC. According to the organization's Facebook page, members have gone around harassing college students who believe in things. They've challenged students to "Eat the Children" to combat "man-made global warming." The PAC calls this a polemical campaign, because they have confused "polemics" with "arguing in bad faith like a complete asshole." They're aiming at best for a correspondent segment on "The Daily Show" and falling short of the laziest installment of Jay Leno's "Jaywalking" routine.

Shockingly, Jonah Goldberg of the National Review deserves credit for being right three times in one tweet.

Political activist and convicted criminal Lyndon LaRouche died early this year, but his cult-like "movement" endures. Sweet informs us that the group has pulled stupid stunts like this since for years. The group especially dislikes the "green movement" and used to suggest feeding Jane Fonda to the whales. It's not a surprise that the group of malcontents supports Donald Trump. The PAC confessed on its Twitter page to "trolling" Ocasio-Cortez yesterday. Andy Kaufman never admitted that he was also Tony Clifton. They have no commitment to their comedy. When he was still technically alive, LaRouche liked to compare Barack Obama to Hitler and claimed the former president had a "predilection for murder." If this were true, it's hard to explain why so many annoying people who nobody would miss somehow survived Emperor Obama's wrath.

Conservatives and most libertarians (i.e. "stoned conservatives") insist that progressives are secretly fascists and every progressive goal or policy, no matter how benign, is a slow creep to fascism. If progressives want us to use "they" as a non-gender-specific pronoun, it's fascism. If progressives want to address the very real climate crisis, it's green fascism. A nice walking path "greenbelt" in your neighborhood? The actual devil. It's a cynical world view, and these disruptive stunts don't improve the argument.

If the LaRouche PAC was trying to "troll" Ocasio-Cortez, it was a spectacular self-own. If you obsessively loathe AOC, you'd condemn her for flossing her teeth. But any reasonable person watching this video sees a compassionate public servant whose first instinct isn't to ridicule or demean. Maybe some day Republicans will recognize what mature leadership looks like.

[The Washington Post]

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Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He recently fled Seattle, where he did theatre work for Book-It Rep and Cafe Nordo.

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