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Alvin Greene Cleared In Investigation of His Finances; Continues To Inspire Nation With His Wisdom

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The U.S. Senate's soon-to-be first Daoist monk Alvin Greenehas been cleared in the South Carolina Law Enforcement Division's (SLED) investigation into his finances, as was his destiny. As we've long suspected, $10,440 simply came into his possession and, with Greene having no need for such worldly things, the money became the first step in the path to Alvin Greene becoming our country's savior. But in a weird way, the SLED investigators said, the government, without realizing it, chose Greene itself.


The source of Greene’s money is none other than the U.S. government and the S.C. state government, said SLED director Reggie Lloyd.

“That’s who bankrolled Greene’s entry fee for the primary,” said Lloyd, whose agency worked with 5th Circuit Solicitor Barney Giese in the investigation. “The U.S. government and the state of South Carolina funded his filing fee.”

The fee was paid with money received from the Department of Defense related to his discharge, with federal and state income tax refunds, and with unemployment benefits. In other words, our democracy provided our wise man with his filing fee organically. By default. From The Way.

Today The New York Times reports on visiting Greene and interviewing him for two hours. The reporter complains she got little out of him. The New York Times, like many other news organizations, fails to realize that language is a falsity that binds us in untruth.

Yesterday, a transcript of another interview with Greene appeared on the Internet. In 33 minutes, he says just 246 words, or less than 8 words per minute. In an interview.

If you had to lose one of your five senses, what would you choose?

Smell.

If you were teaching an English class, what books would be required reading?

How about "Journey to Justice," Johnnie Cochran; "Bad as I Wanna Be" -- Dennis Rodman wrote that one; and "Moonwalker," Michael Jackson.

If you could punch one famous person, who would it be?

Grouchy Smurf. Hahahaha.

Have you ever cried watching a movie?

No.

On a scale of 1 to 10, how attractive are you?

Eight.

By their own nature, mountain trees are cut down. By its own nature, cooking oil is used up in a frying pan. A cinnamon tree is edible, so it's cut down. Varnish is useful, so the trees that produce it are tapped. Everyone knows the usefulness of the useful, but no one knows the usefulness of the useless. [The State/NYT/AOL]

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