Alvin Greene Wants Better Alvin Greene Action Figures
America's first Alvin Greene "action dolls" were unveiled over the weekend, thanks to the combined powers of Alvin Greene's all-powerful mind and the Charleston RiverDogs minor-league baseball team. Together, they are saving the American economy one bobble at a time. Problem is, neither Greene nor South Carolina's political establishment likes the doll --a golden, male Statue of Liberty figurine with a paper copy of Greene's face half-assedly stuck on with tape. "They could have done a better job than that," Greene told CBS News, hinting that the 'Dogs should refudiate their creation. Maybe Greene would prefer the prototype created by the Wonkette design team!
The official "WonketteMart" action doll plays upon Greene's high school nickname "Turtle" -- given to him by his peers, because they were dicks -- but presents him as empowered and strong. His bandanna is the American flag, which he defended as a member of the armed services. And instead of a warrior weapon, Greene holds the muslinistic South Carolina state flag, which he will defend without fail when he is elected as South Carolina's next U.S. senator.
Greene didn't mention action figures in his historic first-ever campaign appearance, so maybe the RiverDogs' dismal product has caused him to abandon the idea. Don't do it, Alvin! Take your place in the pantheon. [CBS News]