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America Finally Safe From Immigrant Children And Their Immigrant Ways

News
  • Yesterday, Senate Republicans -- the most sexually secure people in the entire world -- filibustered a motion to debate the possibility of maybe repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell. You were probably too busy having a ham biscuits parade in honor of Lindsey Graham, but did you hear about that "other" thing Senate Republicans stalled, like true defenders of the Constitution? The (un-American) Dream Act would allow "children of undocumented immigrants to get on a path to citizenship," and that is just nauseating and makes us want to vomit in our mouths because it is such a bad idea. And now, thanks to the diligence of Senate Republicans, America is finally safe from the gays and the undocumented babies/future 9/11 hijackers. [WaPo]


  • Some Iowa farmers blamed for the salmonella outbreak apologized during a House committee hearing on eggs. [Fox News]

  • Mortgage fraud is a very severe problem in America right now. But what "is" mortgage fraud? It is something that happens in Florida a lot. [McClatchy]

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Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Roger Stone, you got some 'splainin' to do, Mister! Remember all those times Stone swore on his Nixon tattoo that he never had any contact with Russians, wasn't a campaign surrogate, and wasn't tipped off to stolen DNC emails in advance? Like that time he told the Washington Post:

"I've never been to Russia. I didn't talk to anybody who was identifiably Russian during the two-year run-up to this campaign," he said. "I very definitely can't think of anybody who might have been a Russian without my knowledge. It's a canard."

Stone told the House Intelligence Committee the same thing last September, but, LOL FUNNY STORY! Seems that Stone just plum forgot about that time in May, 2016 when Trump communications advisor Michael Caputo asked him to meet with Henry Greenberg, "a man with a Make America Great Again hat and a viscous Russian accent." The Washington Post reports, Greenberg was offering sexxxxy Russian dirts on Hillary Clinton, which Stone and Caputo were only too happy to grab by the pussy. But they just couldn't get there!

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