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Whee, girls and boy-girls, it's time for another dive into the mind of The American Voter. Don your brain condoms, and let's take a look at what U.S. Americans "think" about stuff and things:

In case you missed it, that's Planned Parenthood up there at the top, popular like a homecoming queen and way more liked than everyone running for president, plus John Roberts, who is not running for president of America, but is the self-appointed president of protecting Obamacare from you dumb mofos who keep trying to death panel it, Jesus, STOP DOING THAT!

Also, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA (gasp) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Planned Parenthood is waaaaaay super more popular than the Republican Party. This is no way surprises us, because everyone loves Planned Parenthood, like we already told you a million times, do you even listen? But also, everyone hates the Republican Party, even Republicans, which we also already told you, but hot diggity damn, that was so much fun, let's laugh at that together again some more:

Americans also love them some guns, or at least the ghost of Charlton Heston. But Americans still like Planned Parenthood the most best of all, and want to take it to the prom and bone in the backseat, because it is awesome, that's why. Here, watch Perfessor Elizabeth Warren explain it to you.

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NBC News notes that "there is a sharp partisan divide in how both organizations are rated." Because, see, Republicans love guns and think the best way to stop people from using them to kill each other all the time every day is MORE GUNS. But they are very "pro-life" so they hate cancer screening and STD prevention, and they will shut down this government RIGHT NOW to stop Planned Parenthood from doing that life-saving stuff it does. See how that works? No? That's because it is stupid and dumb, huh, maybe that's why nobody likes the Republican Party? Just a guess.

[NBC News]

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Oh hi! Michael Cohen is going to jail, because he is guilty! Just like Paul Manafort is guilty and GO THE FUCK TO JAIL! WHERE HE ALREADY WAS! (Read up on that here!) And all this news came out in the same hour, somehow, because we live in the dumbest fucking episode of "Law & Order" Dick Wolf ever threw on the cutting room floor, on account of how it was too stupid for words.

However, Cohen avoided a big nasty trial (or series of trials, like Manafort opted for) by just cold pleading guilty to a buncha fuckin' crimes, like a crimer who does a buncha fuckin' crimes all the time. And he implicated Donald Trump in a couple of them!

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HOLY FUCK this afternoon! Michael Cohen just finished a hearing in a New York courtroom where he said, "DURRRR I AM SO GUILTY," but this post is not about that. This post is about how Paul Manafort verdict has just come out! He has been found guilty on eight of the 18 charges he faced in the Eastern District of Virginia (EDVA). The jury is hopelessly deadlocked on the other 10, and so a mistrial will be declared on those and Paul Manafort may get to be retried on them, in addition to his next trial over conspiracies against the United States and witness tampering, which starts next month in Washington DC. Maybe the government will decide Manafort is going to die in jail anyway, and play hooky from retrying those other counts. They probably need a vacay, don't you think?

Trump really does hire the best people!

NBC News's Ken Dilanian broke the news that Manafort has been convicted on five counts of tax fraud, one count of failing to report a foreign bank account on an IRS form, and two charges of bank fraud. The short version of that is that he is guilty of EIGHT FEDERAL FELONIES (so far) and he is going to jail for EIGHT MILLION YEARS for each count. (OK, that is probably not completely accurate. But still, welcome to prison, Paul Manafort!)

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