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American Fatness Plateaus At Enormously High Level!

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It's agreat day to be fat in America, because according to new statistics, it is now impossible for us to get any fatter! Eat up, Mister Not Keeping Up With Fatness Inflation! This is how it works: "Obesity rates in the United States are still sky-high, but for the moment they appear to have stopped climbing higher, according to new data released by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention." Hear that? Straight from our beloved government disease thingy itself.


One out of every three American adults is obese, and two out of every three are overweight, according to the data. Among children and teens, the numbers aren't much better: Roughly 17 percent of children between the ages of 2 and 19 are considered obese. All of these percentages have increased sharply since 1980, the data show.

The obesity rate among women and children hasn't changed measurably over the past decade, however, and it has remained largely flat among men for the past five years, according to the CDC report, which was published in the Journal of the American Medical Association.

Obesity experts reacted positively to the report, but emphasized that there was little to celebrate about the big picture.

Screw you, skinny "experts." It is a reason to celebrate, not simply react positively!

It's not exactly clear what's responsible for the stabilization of the nation's waistlines. Experts say that the trend may be due to greater public awareness about healthy diets and the importance of regular exercise, and to the various school- and community-based programs that have been launched to fight the obesity epidemic. The growing popularity of gastric bypass surgery may also have played a role, according to Aronne.

Hmm, we'll go with "people literally cannot afford basic foodstuffs anymore." Even the gloriously cheap days of using old bread, two rotten eggs from the neighbor's trash, and cheese-tasting product scraped from the cat's litter box to make an affordable eggwich are over. Now it's simply cheese-tasting product from the cat's litter box, or bust.

(So really, there's no problem.)

[CNN via Gawker]

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