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Americans Are Much Fatter This Year In 37 States!

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The fattest people in the world got even fatter this year, as the obesity rate kept rising in 37 states and didn't decline in the other 13 states. Mississippi, West Virginia and Alabama won the triple crown of fat-assery, surprising nobody, while Michigan was the only state in the Top Ten of Fat that's not in the South, which also surprised nobody. Now let's see how the Democratic Convention and Barack Obama's vacation birthplace rate!


Colorado, home of the DNCC '08, is the fittest state in America! "Only" 18.4% of the Rocky Mountain People are obese -- compared to more than 30% in Mississippi, West Virginia and Alabama. And elitist foreign country Hawaii has "only" 20.7% fat people, which is kind of amazing to think about, if you've ever been to Hawaii, which seems like an offshore Fat Farm.

According to this new survey, two-thirds of Americans are officially Overweight or Obese. Two-thirds! The fatness has been rapidly increasing since 1980, when Reagan turned everybody into stupid flag-waving lard-asses.

Report: Americans Fatter in 37 States [Fox News]

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Can the breaking news take a fucking break for five seconds so we can start getting in gear for eating nine million calories of food and being thankful for everything we ...

No?

Fine, go, New York Times:

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Would you like to watch a joyful video featuring America's last competent and smart and sexxxy president, Barry Bamz-A-Lot McGee? Of course you would! You are probably already traveling for Thanksgiving, so STOP WATCHING THIS VIDEO WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING, IDIOT. But if you are not currently operating a motor vehicle, please proceed with this post!

Anyway, Barack Obama was saying words at his Obummer Foundation Summit, put on by the Nobummer Foundation, and he was talking about why it's so dang hard for America to actually get Great Again in these trying times. He didn't mention Donald Trump's name, because he only does that when he really wants to, but he sure did list some of the things that are holding us (read: Trump) back. You know, like racism.

And "mommy issues."

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