Americans Say Americans Are Racists
A stunning new poll finds that everybody's a terrible racist except for you. The Zogby survey found that while no single individual will admit to, say, hating all the Moslems, most Americans hate all the Moslems. Also, while you would never avoid a black clerk at the store, 99% of everybody else would definitely prefer a white clerk -- including, we guess, black people. That's racist!
Anyway, here are some of the staggering results:
* "62% said they believe Americans oppose same-sex marriages. Yet 58% would elect a gay person for President -- about the same as for an Arab-American (57%), and more than for a person over age 70 (51%), or for an atheist (51%)." Why do people even have thoughts about such things? Would they elect a gay Arab baby as president of atheism? Does everybody have Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?
* 93% say men are responsible for crime, adultery and STDs.
* When asked what political party was responsible for global warming, prejudice, poverty, war and corruption, everybody said "Republicans," obviously.
* But when asked which poor people committed crimes, everybody said "Democrats," of course.
* Everybody knows to keep their kids away from Catholic priests.
* If there's a shooting, everybody says everybody else will immediately suspect The Blacks.
* Blacks do the drug crime, too -- 55% of the time.
* The crimes that white people do are identity theft and insurance fraud.
* The 26% of people who aren't obese don't want to work with the fat people.