America's Dumbest Criminals Donald Trump And Jeff Sessions Do Light Treason Over Lunch
Wonkers, we're trapped in an episode of America's Dumbest Criminals! It would be hilarious if it weren't a fucking nightmare. Well, the Papadopoulos Plea is actual comedy gold in the best Boris and Natasha tradition.
Defendant Papadopoulos later learned that the Female Russian National was not in fact a relative of President Putin. In addition, while defendant Papadopoulos expected that the Professor and the Female Russian National would introduce him to the Russian Ambassador in London, they never did.
Dammit! What's with these Russian spies lying to some poor schlub who's never colluded before? UNFAIR!
But while we're on the subject of Lil Papi, check out this picture of Donald Trump meeting with his foreign policy advisors on March 31, 2016. Papadopoulos is the cutie in the middle, Trump is at one end of the table, and you can see Jeff Sessions's little, round elf head at the other.
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) April 1, 2016
Nice of Donald Trump to post this picture on Twitter for everyone to find. It confirms that the gang was all present and accounted for at that meeting where Lil Papi talked up his connections to the Russian government and promised to broker a meeting between Trump and Putin.
On or about March 31, 2016, defendant PAPADOPOULOS attended a "national security meeting" in Washington, D.C., with then-candidate Trump and other foreign policy advisors for the campaign. When defendant PAPADOPOULOS introduced himself to the group, he stated, in sum and substance, that he had connections that could help arrange a meeting between then-candidate Trump and President Putin.
UNPOSSIBLE! No one could be stupid enough to leave evidence online of a conspiracy to commit a crime.
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! The day that Manafort gets arrested and Papadopoulos's plea is unsealed, Trump just happens to invite Jeff Sessions to lunch? THIS Jeff Sessions?
SEN. AL FRANKEN: "If there was any evidence that anyone affiliated with the Trump campaign communicated with the Russian government in the course of this (2016) campaign, what would you do?," the Minnesota Democrat asked.
SESSIONS: "I'm not aware of any of those activities. I have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign and I did not have communications with the Russians."
(Reader, he did.)
Anyway, hope they got all the rice and cherry pie they could gobble, and that they're having just a TERRIBLE day! Countdown until Trump tweets, "Great lunch w/AG Sessions & VP Pence. Discussed strat to end FAKE NEWS Russia investigation. Signing Exec Ord to suspend Spec Pros Law. #MAGA." Watch for it!
We at Wonkette are old enough to remember when Loretta Lynch shot the shit on the tarmac with Bill Clinton for ten minutes and it triggered a Congressional investigation. But you fellas go right ahead and cook up a little more obstruction (ALLEGEDLY) in the Private Dining Room at the White House. We can't wait to hear your new plan to eighty-six Mueller's investigation. It's not like Trey Gowdy is going to hold hearings on his own party, right? IOKIYAR!
Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.