Wonkers, we're trapped in an episode of America's Dumbest Criminals! It would be hilarious if it weren't a fucking nightmare. Well, the Papadopoulos Plea is actual comedy gold in the best Boris and Natasha tradition.

Defendant Papadopoulos later learned that the Female Russian National was not in fact a relative of President Putin. In addition, while defendant Papadopoulos expected that the Professor and the Female Russian National would introduce him to the Russian Ambassador in London, they never did.

Dammit! What's with these Russian spies lying to some poor schlub who's never colluded before? UNFAIR!

But while we're on the subject of Lil Papi, check out this picture of Donald Trump meeting with his foreign policy advisors on March 31, 2016. Papadopoulos is the cutie in the middle, Trump is at one end of the table, and you can see Jeff Sessions's little, round elf head at the other.

Nice of Donald Trump to post this picture on Twitter for everyone to find. It confirms that the gang was all present and accounted for at that meeting where Lil Papi talked up his connections to the Russian government and promised to broker a meeting between Trump and Putin.

On or about March 31, 2016, defendant PAPADOPOULOS attended a "national security meeting" in Washington, D.C., with then-candidate Trump and other foreign policy advisors for the campaign. When defendant PAPADOPOULOS introduced himself to the group, he stated, in sum and substance, that he had connections that could help arrange a meeting between then-candidate Trump and President Putin.

UNPOSSIBLE! No one could be stupid enough to leave evidence online of a conspiracy to commit a crime.

LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! The day that Manafort gets arrested and Papadopoulos's plea is unsealed, Trump just happens to invite Jeff Sessions to lunch? THIS Jeff Sessions?

SEN. AL FRANKEN: "If there was any evidence that anyone affiliated with the Trump campaign communicated with the Russian government in the course of this (2016) campaign, what would you do?," the Minnesota Democrat asked.

SESSIONS: "I'm not aware of any of those activities. I have been called a surrogate at a time or two in that campaign and I did not have communications with the Russians."

(Reader, he did.)

Anyway, hope they got all the rice and cherry pie they could gobble, and that they're having just a TERRIBLE day! Countdown until Trump tweets, "Great lunch w/AG Sessions & VP Pence. Discussed strat to end FAKE NEWS Russia investigation. Signing Exec Ord to suspend Spec Pros Law. #MAGA." Watch for it!

We at Wonkette are old enough to remember when Loretta Lynch shot the shit on the tarmac with Bill Clinton for ten minutes and it triggered a Congressional investigation. But you fellas go right ahead and cook up a little more obstruction (ALLEGEDLY) in the Private Dining Room at the White House. We can't wait to hear your new plan to eighty-six Mueller's investigation. It's not like Trey Gowdy is going to hold hearings on his own party, right? IOKIYAR!

[Papadopoulos Plea]

Wonkers, give us money! The crazy train has left the station, and WE ARE ON IT!

Five Dollar Feminist

Your FDF lives in Baltimore under an assumed identity as an upstanding member of the PTA. Shhh, don't tell anyone she makes swears on the internet!

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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