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And Also Bill Kristol Brought Us Sarah Palin, Which Is A Federal Offense

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Today each of your editors was obliged to tender their own reflections on the tragic expiration of Bill Kristol's tenure as Token Lazy Chucklehead on theNew York Times op-ed page. It seems Ken does not care for this fellow, and Jim is working on some epic rant, so now your SKS will review Kristol's most grievous sin, which is foisting the demoness Sarah Palin upon an innocent and unsuspecting populace.


You will recall that Bill Kristol was the droolingest of the drooling dorks who went over to Sarah Palin's house for a crabcake orgy while he was cruising the frigid waters of Alaska with all of his National Review and Weekly Standard friends, who up until that point were all virgins. After this transcendent crab-fucking fest, Kristol decided that Sarah Palin had to be the vice president, and he badgered a feeble-minded old war veteran into nominating this succubus under the theory that the only thing Americans like more than a pretty lady is a pretty lady who snarls angrily about "big city values" in an election that will be decided by urban voters.

Sarah Palin, who might otherwise have settled into a long and uneventful career as a muklukked mother of eleven living on the tit of Alaska's oil lobby, was unwittingly thrust into the national spotlight, where she failed repeatedly to formulate a single sentence with proper subject-verb-object agreement. She was an offense to intelligent two-legged mammals everywhere, particularly ones with breasts.

Thus! Bill Kristol has been wrong about everything, ever, but he was particularly wrong about Sarah Palin, who turned out not to be a shining light for the future of American conservatism but instead was the delusionally self-important and willfully ignorant little maggot who crawled out of American conservatism's festering corpse, wearing a pair of red pumps and winking naughtily as she tap-danced on its bones.

Bill Kristol will be writing monthly columns for the Washington Post, because he is like Satan: unstoppable.

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Yeah, that's my daughter and I made this

Guys!

Last

month

was

crazy!

First, NASA sent its last message to the Mars Opportunity rover! THEN scientists said that all the insects are dying but not the human-looking ones in the GOP. As if THAT wasn't enough, some brave pendejos with grandes cojones are going to try and get seafloor creatures from under a giant ice shelf in the ANTARCTIC!

So, yeah, all three of those stories happened last month. Let's cover each in a science lightning round.

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Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is terrible at her job. Her objectives and overall mission are evil, but if it's any consolation she can't effectively implement them. After buying her Cabinet position at Sotheby's, DeVos has spent the past two years trying to roll back Obama-era policies designed to protect and actually educate students. Unfortunately for her evil schemes, federal courts keep smacking down her slimy efforts. It's getting embarrassing.

DeVos recently had to cancel $150 million in student loan debt after courts said her attempts to stop the "borrow defense" regulations from taking effect were in fact illegal. Last week, she was forced to instruct colleges to follow the Obama rule barring mandatory arbitration agreements. She got kicked in the teeth earlier this month when a federal judge ruled she'd acted illegally ... again. This time, DeVos tried to delay an Obama-era guideline that required states to address racial disparities in their special education programs. Judge Tanya S. Chutkan called the delay "arbitrary" and "capricious."

The rule, drafted under the Individuals With Disabilities Education Act, would require states to identify districts with "significant disproportionality" in the number of minority students channeled into special education services, segregated in restrictive classroom settings or disciplined.

OK, so what was the "education" secretary's issue with this rule? We want to imagine there's some rationale we're not seeing and DeVos is more than just some yacht-collecting monster.

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