Donate

Roy Moore and Sassy, who is about to get rid of his ass right here.


HI WONKERS, it is your end of day open thread, where you will hang out and talk and we will come back from time to time and post you updates and results from the Alabama special Senate election. If Doug Jones pulls this out, we will write you a very excited and fast post about it later (maybe, if it's early enough), but until we tell you differently you will SIT HERE IN THIS POST AND TALK TO EACH OTHER AND WATCH THIS VIDEO OF STUPID ROY MOORE RIDING HIS HORSE "SASSY" TO GO VOTE, BECAUSE HE IS WEIRD.

Also, it is obvious Sassy HAAAAAAAAAATE HIM.

 

Yr Alabama Wonkette Fakakta South points out in the chatcave that this is not the same horse Roy Moore rode in on for the primary against Luther Strange. It appears Kayla Moore, the Jewish lawyer-knowing wife of Roy, rides Sassy sometimes. The reason Roy and Kayla Moore switch horses is, we guess, because they are HORSE SWINGERS. (Allegedly.)

We are not an Expert Of Horses, so we will include this tweet from somebody who is:

More hilarious reactions from Horse Twitter here!

OK, enjoy your horse video. See you later! (OR WILL WE?)

UPDATE: Hey you guys! Ready for some fresh hot news about the election? Well, the fresh hot news is that this one Roy Moore campaign spokesman right here is A DUMB. Watch Jake Tapper make dude's brain completely malfunction by telling dude ACTUALLY you don't have to swear on a Bible when you're elected in the US and A:

 

Hilarious! Will check on you in two hours to make sure you're OK. (OR WILL WE?)

UPDATE AGAIN: Guys? Guys? Don't hold your breath yet but Doug Jones HAS TAKEN THE LEAD by 817 votes and OMG OMG OMG OMG, IS THIS GOING TO HAPPEN? You'll want to stick around, because yr Alabama Wonkette Fakakta South will be reportin' official once we know official.

UPDATE NUMBER THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN DEMOCRATS COME OUT TO FUCKIN' PLAY IN THE SOUTH:

AP has called it. Called it. CALLED IT.

Steve Bannon is probably having a literal stroke right now. So, we'd surmise, is Donald Trump. HELL YEAH, PEOPLE.

10:57 UPDATE: Did y'all see where our very own Alabama Wonkette "Fakakta South" CALLED THIS YESTERDAY? ROLL TIDE, ROLL!

Also too, Maxine!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Are you a good Wonker who sends us money by Amazon? Well not anymore you're not, because Amazon done fucked our payment system. Would you be so great as to re-sign with Paypal or Stripe? K we love you bye. (All you others can too.)

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

$
Donate with CC

THAT HEADLINE IS A LIE.

Anyway, it is time to count down your top ten stories. You will notice that in this post there is a video of Wonkette Toddler at the lake doing lake things, and also a picture of Rebecca's Very Good Dogs watching their favorite movie, which is Wonkette Toddler eating a sandwich (above). Please enjoy these things.

OK, top ten!

Stories chosen by Beyoncé, as per usual:

1. Even Fox News Can't Make Finland Trump-Shits Smell Like Roses :(

2. Dickish Trump Is Even A Dick To That Nice Old Lady From The Crown

3. Where In The World Is Michael Avenatti? He Is In London Having Tea With The Queen!

4. From Russia With Lube

5. WHAT THE HOLY MOTHERFUCKING FUCK WAS THAT TRUMP-PUTIN PRESS CONFERENCE?

6. Can We Talk About The Utter Sadness Of Breitbart's Melania Fashion Coverage?

7. Christian Lady Being A Dipshit Again

8. President Words-Stupid Sorry For Being Total Fuck-Up Just This One Time Ever

9. Deleted Comments: We Gave God The Banhammer

10. Strzok Out With Your Cock Out: The 5 Best Moments From Yesterday's Peter Strzok Shitshow

So there you go. Those are your top ten most clicked upon stories, according to Beyoncé. They are very good stories!

OH HEY, one more thing. Know how Wonkette is fully funded by readers like you, like we mentioned above, and that's how we have salaries and servers and healthcare and liquor? If you want Wonkette to be here FOREVER, you gotta help us out, so won't you click here to do a $10 donation, or even better, a monthly subscription? WE LOVE YOU, YOU PAY OUR RENT.

As promised, kid pic and video from LAKE TIME:

OK that's all.

Yours in baby Jesus,

Wonkette

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Wonkette salaries and servers are fully paid for by YOU! Please pay our salaries.

$
Donate with CC
Facebook video screenshot

Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

Keep reading... Show less
$
Donate with CC
Donate

SINGLE & MONTHLY DONATIONS

SUPPORT THE CAUSE - PAYPAL DONATION

PAYPAL RECURRING DONATIONS

©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc