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And The Most Nepotistic Member of Congress Award Goes To...

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A chilling new report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington shows that this member of Congress's campaign committee and PAC paid out a total of $304,599 in salaries and $48,742 for services during the 2008 and 2010 election cycles to his daughter, daughter's mother-in-law, brother, grandson, granddaughter [*PAUSES FOR BREATH*] another granddaughter and a grandson-in-law, making this Representative the most nepotistic member of Congress by volume of family members on the campaign dole. And that's only from 2008 and 2010! Who is it!? Don't forget to scribble down your guesses on the back of your unemployment check stubs!


Hooray, and the Oscar goes to Doctor Congressman Ron Paul. Now we know why Ron Paul is always running for president: So that his family members always have jobs, what a guy. But Ron Paul is far from alone -- in fact, his entry takes up only four out of three hundred and forty-three pages of this campaign expenditure report. Congress seems to be much better at job creation than they are letting on! Here are some more shining examples:

Top five representatives paying the most money in salaries or fees to family members:

• Rep. Alcee Hastings, (D-FL) paid his girlfriend $622,574.

• Rep. Jerry Lewis (R-CA) paid his wife $512,293.

• Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) paid her daughter and grandson a combined $495,650.

• Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) paid six different relatives a combined $304,599.

• Rep. Buck McKeon (R-CA) paid his wife $238,438.

• In total, representatives paid $5,575,090 in salaries or fees directly to family members.

In sum, everyone have sex with Alcee Hastings. Recession: solved. [CREW]

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Lace up your sneakers, Wonkers! Time to hit the streets. MoveOn, the ACLU, MomsRising and all your favorite dirty leftists are getting together for a yuuuuuuuuge march to show that WE ARE A NATION OF DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS WHO DON'T KIDNAP BABIES. And your Wonkette will be there!

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Rudy Giuliani, flapping his loose yap to Politico on Monday:

President Donald Trump's attorney Rudy Giuliani said on Monday that he was actually just bluffing last week when he called for Justice Department leaders to suspend special counsel Robert Mueller's investigation within 24 hours.

"I didn't think it would," Giuliani told POLITICO with a laugh when asked about the Mueller inquiry's still being very much an active investigation. "But I still think it should be." [...]

That's what I'm supposed to do," Giuliani explained on Monday. "What am I supposed to say? That they should investigate him forever? Sorry, I'm not a sucker."

Cool, that is just Rudy Giuliani admitting he's full of shit and words and more shit and more words (and also a noun, a verb and 9/11). We are guessing therefore that Giuliani, who is a lawyer, would legally advise us to continue assuming we should take his every oral ejaculation with a gi-normous grain of FULL OF SHIT.

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