chris christie cnn cybersecurity d.c. federal workers FSO hacking harley davidson Jason Chaffetz Elanor Holmes Norton jeff sessions Jerry Falwell Jr. higher education john stewart Katy High School maryland milwaukee Mohammad Abu Khadra nancy pelosi neil gorsuch President Bannon pt News Brief russia scotus stephen colbert steve bannon steve mnuchin supreme court tom price town hall
AND THE WINNER IS... Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 1, 2017
- Trump gave a shit-covered rose to Neil Gorsuch last night in the season finale of his LOW RATINGS Supreme Court show and Democrats are already sounding off against his wingnutty Jesus crap.
- Democrats stole a peek at Trump's copy of Political Theater for Dummies and stalled voting for Steve Mnuchin, Tom Price, and Jeff Sessions. GREAT JOB!
- Chris Christie is desperately fighting to stay relevant even though nobody really cares what he thinks about the Muslim ban.
- Secret Shadow President and Sith Lord Steve Bannon scares the hell out of Republicans because he keeps finding ways to weasel his way into power.
- Trump's White House is "trying to cull CNN from the herd" because it's not reporting the "alternative facts," and hosts upstaging town halls with Nancy Pelosi.
- Trump has canceled his overhaul of US cybersecurity after (REDACTED). The signing was (REDACTED) however, (REDACTED)
accused Russian(REDACTED) the DNC during the election.
- Republicans are VERY ANGRY at the lady who sneaked into the GOP retreat and secretly recorded them whining like babies about having to repeal Obamacare.
- A 16-year-old high school student has been detained by federal officials for days after trying to renew his Jordanian Visa because some people in Texas don't know their fucking geography, or how to read. #ThanksTrump
- Jason Chaffetz is floating cutting off part of D.C. and giving it back to Maryland, which would be better phrased as, "Why can't the poor black people in South East behave like the rich, white yuppies in Georgetown?"
- Federal workers are conflicted and more reports are surfacing up and down the chain of command across the bureaucratic spectrum of federal workers desperately trying to do to their jobs without breaking the Trumpian laws.
- Trump is giving the go-ahead to the acting Secretary of the Army to begin slipping his greasy access pipeline into North Dakota, regardless of what some indigenous woo-woo feather and bear wearing hippies think.
- Trump has canceled a trip to Milwaukee because HE IS SCARED OF THE PEOPLE. (Or stairs.)
- Jerry Falwell Jr. is saying he'll lead some federal task force to reform higher education policy, presumably so for-profit fake colleges can bilk people out of money for useless "degrees," just like Trump University.
- Here's some special nice time from Stephen Colbert and John Stewart!
- And here's your morning Nice Time: BABY PANDAS!