AND THE WINNER IS... Wonkagenda For Wed., Feb. 1, 2017

Post-Racial America

Dominic Gwinn

February 01, 2017 09:18 AM

Trump gave a shit-covered rose to Neil Gorsuch last night in the season finale of his LOW RATINGS Supreme Court show and Democrats are already sounding off against his wingnutty Jesus crap.

Democrats stole a peek at Trump's copy of Political Theater for Dummies and stalled voting for Steve Mnuchin, Tom Price, and Jeff Sessions. GREAT JOB!

Chris Christie is desperately fighting to stay relevant even though nobody really cares what he thinks about the Muslim ban.

Secret Shadow President and Sith Lord Steve Bannon scares the hell out of Republicans because he keeps finding ways to weasel his way into power.

Trump's White House is "trying to cull CNN from the herd" because it's not reporting the "alternative facts," and hosts upstaging town halls with Nancy Pelosi.

Trump has canceled his overhaul of US cybersecurity after (REDACTED). The signing was (REDACTED) however, (REDACTED) ~~accused Russian~~ (REDACTED) the DNC during the election.

Republicans are VERY ANGRY at the lady who sneaked into the GOP retreat and secretly recorded them whining like babies about having to repeal Obamacare.

A 16-year-old high school student has been detained by federal officials for days after trying to renew his Jordanian Visa because some people in Texas don't know their fucking geography, or how to read. #ThanksTrump

Jason Chaffetz is floating cutting off part of D.C. and giving it back to Maryland, which would be better phrased as, "Why can't the poor black people in South East behave like the rich, white yuppies in Georgetown?"

Federal workers are conflicted and more reports are surfacing up and down the chain of command across the bureaucratic spectrum of federal workers desperately trying to do to their jobs without breaking the Trumpian laws.

Trump is giving the go-ahead to the acting Secretary of the Army to begin slipping his greasy access pipeline into North Dakota, regardless of what some indigenous woo-woo feather and bear wearing hippies think.

Trump has canceled a trip to Milwaukee because HE IS SCARED OF THE PEOPLE. (Or stairs.)

Jerry Falwell Jr. is saying he'll lead some federal task force to reform higher education policy, presumably so for-profit fake colleges can bilk people out of money for useless "degrees," just like Trump University.

Here's some special nice time from Stephen Colbert and John Stewart!

And here's your morning Nice Time: BABY PANDAS!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or lying in a gutter taking photos.

robert mueller robert mueller testifying robert mueller testimony robert mueller subpoena house judiciary committee house intelligence committee adam schiff jerry nadler mueller testimony july 17 rachel maddow robert mueller press conference mueller report trump donald trump trump russia conspiracy trump obstruction of justice robert mueller counter-intel findings bill barr bill barr cover-up artist trump russian intelligence asset house freedom caucus mark meadows louie gohmert jim jordan matt gaetz jay sekulow hannity lindsey graham trump twitter trump robert mueller trump mueller terminated the emails trump rape trump rape accusation trump fox business interview maria bartiromo trump iran

If It's What You Say, I Love Robert Mueller Testifying, Especially Later In The Summer!

Clear your calendars, we got a date with THE TRUTH!

Russia

Giphy

FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

Keep reading... Show less

emergency border bill house of representatives undocumented migrants asylum seekers human rights department of health and human services office of refugee resettlement customs and border protection hhs cbp orr baby jails nita m. lowey pramila jayapal nancy pelosi central america el salvador guatemala. honduras foreign aid house progressive caucus alexandria ocasio-cortez ilhan omar ayanna pressley rashida tlaib house freedom caucus us senate veto threat immigration

Trump Probably Vetoing House Border Funding Bill, Because It Mandates The Babies Get 'Blankets' And 'Food'

The cruelty is the point.

Congress

Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

Keep reading... Show less