And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten.
Well, Wonkers, it was a sad week, as we, and the nation, became transfixed on the gruesome murders that took the lives of 9 people attending a Bible study at a historic black church in Charleston, South Carolina. And wouldn't you know it, even amidst such rage and sadness, wingnuts still managed to fuck it up more, by saying some of the grossest things imaginable. And surprise, some of those posts made this week's top ten!
But before we count down the week's top ten stories, and believe us, after this week, it feels weird to be doing this, but we have to keep things running around here, so if you love your Wonkette, please consider helping us out with a $5 spot. And that's all we're going to say about that. Do not worry, we will be right back to hard-selling all you people again in no time. Just click this clicky and then we'll forget it ever happened.
All right, here are your top ten posts of the week, as chosen by science. If you've already read them, read them again!
1. We are not sure how or why, but this week's top post honors, BY FAR, goes to last Sunday's installment of "Deleted Comments," which focused on all the idiot things that idiots had to say about the Duggars. This is why we don't allow comments, sheeple.
2. Here are 12 of the dumbest things ever to fall out of Donald Trump's mouth hole. It was tough narrowing it down to 12, believe us.
3. And here are some rich California assholes who are pretty damn sure that things like "conservation" don't apply to them, therefore they should be able to guzzle as much water as they want.
4. Wingnuts reacted to the Charleston shootings with all the thoughtfulness and gravitas we've come to expect from them.
5. Fall in love all over again with the badass Baltimore lady who, in response to a shitty note from her neighbor, has vowed to make her front yard as "relentlessly gay" as is possible.
6. Weep for the fired Philadelphia Fox anchor, who will never achieve his dream of whites and blacks getting to hurl the N-word equally.
7. The most disgusting wingnut reaction to Charleston? When the NRA dude blamed the church's pastor for the massacre, due to the fact he'd voted against concealed-carry in churches in his capacity as a state senator.
8. Wingnuts were just OUTRAGED about the Juggalos and Fox News landing on the SPLC's hate group list. Of course, that didn't happen, but still, OUTRAGE.
9. Fox News figured out why Charleston happened, and it was because everybody hates Christians.
10. And finally, Dylann Roof confessed to murdering 9 people to start a race war. Of course, our headline said "real motive still unknown," which was a JOKE about how the media handles these sorts of things. The motive was staring everyone in the face all along, but wow, you wouldn't believe how many people didn't get that joke! Oh well.
So there you have it. Let's hope next week's top stories are more along the lines of "Donald Trump is so stupid here's why," because those are light and fun and wonderful.
Oh, and you should sign up for the Wonkette newsletter, so that you can get a secret gay love note from your Wonkette every day! (Mostly.)
OH, and did you know you can put Bernie Sanders on your sexy tits or man chests? YES YOU CAN. Buy the tee-shirt in the Wonkette online swag emporium, where you will also find Elizabeth Warren t-shirts and coffee cups and stuff and all the other things! Editrix Rebecca would like to reassure everyone that, even though she has taken her maternity leave, she is still ready and willing to send you all of the things you decide to buy.
Again, your Wonkette loves you very much! If you missed your opportunity above, don’t even worry about doing hard stuff like scrolling up. You can just click THIS link and give us $5. Or you can give us more. We are not opposed to that!
Okay, now go have a nice Sunday, we will see you on Monday.
[screengrab via CNN]