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Hello again, boys and girls! Hope you had a fun afternoon trying tomatch up the sad displays of census psychopathy to the wholesome American communities they have destroyed. It's time to learn the answers and see how well you did. To streamline your learning experience, here's a reprint of all 12 items, but this time with the locations noted .... and bonus hot links to articles, hooray!


1. A man allegedly threatened a U.S. Census worker with a BB gun; his lawyer said he “didn’t want to be bothered.” The suspect is a "disabled Vietnam veteran."

ANSWER: Cincinnati, OH

2. A police sergeant allegedly showed off his gun while a female census worker tried to give him a questionnaire. The census worker was not 50-foot Pelosi, but a normal-sized woman who was nevertheless very frightening, apparently.

ANSWER: Barstow, CA

3. A guy named Dick supposedly told his census worker to call him "if she ever wanted a date or a good time," and when she said no, he grabbed her arm and tried to pull her into his predator lair.

ANSWER: Wisconsin Rapids, WI

4. A census worker allegedly raped a 21-year-old handicapped woman. He made a special follow-up trip to do this.

ANSWER: Pekin, IN

5. Some fake census workers asked people for their bank account information, and also if they knew where to buy Faberge eggs to make "Faberge omelets."

ANSWER: Bee County, TX

6. A sex offender posed as a census worker, but a woman recognized him from her state's online offender registry and turned him in to authorities.

ANSWER: Pennsauken, NJ

7. Someone didn't want to answer their census worker's questions, so they grabbed the worker's cell phone and smashed it to pieces.

ANSWER: Mt. Laurel, NJ

8. Hoping to win the local award for "Best Neighbor of 2010," someone threatened to shoot a census worker who was questioning their neighbor.

ANSWER: Abilene, TX

9. While taking down a woman's answers, a census worker allegedly saw that her "twenty-7-year-old" son was "holding a knife blade down against his arm, shouting profanities and telling him to get off the property." The would-be stabber went to the police station to complain about the census worker's lack of sexxxy, and was arrested.

ANSWER: Richmond, R.I.

10. A census worker allegedly stopped a front door with their foot, barged inside, and began to "vigorously question" a teenager about his ethnicity until the youth turned into an illegal immigrant. Now a patriot lawyer wants a federal investigation.

ANSWER: Charlottesville, Va.

11. In one town, a census worker reports that her "crotch is getting inspected by a lot of residents these days," which is so humiliating.

ANSWER: Denver, Colo.

12. Her friend, a fellow census worker, had a woman shout at him and threaten to "sew his ass to his face."

ANSWER: Denver, Colo.

How did you do? If you achieved a perfect score, post a comment about it so that others may learn of your achievements and simmer with envy! It's the right thing to do, for America.

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