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Sad news about the global warming hoax, you guys. Turns out that the liberal scientists are so committed to their big lie that they're going to go down to Antarctica and melt all the ice, which will cause the sea level to go WAY up, and when they are done, southern Louisiana will be bye-bye. Those liberal scientists will stop at nothing, won't they?

You see, Louisiana has a Coastal Master Plan, devoted to mitigating the effects of climate change and the fucking oil drilling bid'ness on the state's rapidly disappearing coastline. Unfortunately there's new research that says their big plan mightn't even matter, if global temperatures rise too much:

The research presents evidence that the world and Louisiana face a stark choice: Keep global temperatures from rising more than 2 degrees Celsius (3.6 degrees Fahrenheit) by 2100 and little will change in Antarctica, which means sea-level rise could be manageable and Louisiana’s coastal plan might succeed.

Fail at that goal, and the result could be a sudden, dramatic melting of ice on Antarctica, adding another 3 feet to current predictions of 3.5 feet of sea-level rise by 2100 – an event that would swamp most of Louisiana’s southern third, even with the master plan finished.

This year’s international meeting on climate change in Paris set a goal of reducing carbon emissions to a level that would limit global warming to 2 degrees Celsius.

You guys don't like #ScienceFacts. You like pictures. Lucky for you, the New Orleans Advocate has created a whole interactive-type graphic thingy where you can see what will happen to southern Louisianne, depending on if Antarctica stays frozen, melts a little bit, or turns into a tropical vacation destination. For instance, here's what it looks like if sea levels rise six feet:

The very nice Louisiana newspaper did not write the "fuck" word on its graphic, Wonkette did.

You should go over there to see all their other amazing graphics.

Oh, and before you go "LOL NO BIG" because New Orleans still exists on that map, you must remember that New Orleans is protected by levees, which NEVER EVER EVER fail. Heck nope! Or maybe they do sometimes, and that will make Mardi Gras #NoFun because you'll have to show your titties to the fishes to get beads, and fish ain't got no beads and don't care about your titties. Oh and people will die.

Also too, six feet of sea level rise would affect LOTS OF OTHER PLACES (click here for even more fun interactive graphics about things being fucked!), like Miami and Boston and New York City and also places that aren't even in America. Hell, if you want to indulge in disaster prediction porn fantasies, just Google "six feet of sea level rise" and treat yourself to a veritable MELANGE of articles that have come out since this new research was published at the end of March.

Now, because we are Wonkette, you are probably wondering if we are going to tell Bobby Jindal to get fucked in his hyphen-hole over this. OF COURSE! You'll remember how Jindal, back when he had a job, spent the 10-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina begging President Obama not to inject "the divisive political agenda of liberal environmental activism" into the event. And he really didn't want to hear about fake ass liberal "climate change."

The mean president had already annoyed Jindal by releasing a National Climate Assessment Report in 2014, detailing in part just how fucked Louisiana was going to be, thanks to global warming and the oil industry, but Jindal couldn't hear him over the sounds of his mouth slurping around Big Oil's slippery cock.

Oh well. Maybe the Paris climate change agreement will help reverse the course of what we humans have (allegedly!) done to the world, and maybe Louisiana's plan to save its coastlines will work out. Or maybe it's too late and Antarctica is going to murder everything, by rudely melting all over the place.

Maybe if the deniers are really so sure it's all a big fake, they should chain themselves to desks at the current sea level, and we'll just see what happens. Is that bad of us to say?

[New Orleans Advocate]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.


Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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