Are You A French Person Fleeing Socialism? Buy This New Jersey Manse, Off Craigslist!
We guess this New Jersey homeowner has not heard the terrible news that Barack NOBAMA has turned the Good Ol' US of A into a socialist nightmare, as he has taken to the pixels ofCraigslist to offer up this gorgeous Gary Gardner-built manse for only $3.175 million to those Franch elite (or Franch elite sympathizers) who want to flee the newly Socialist France before President Francois Hollande makes with the "off with their heads!"
Have you heard the joke about the French Socialist? No. That's because there is absolutely nothing funny about the Socialist Party, or the Parti socialiste, and its return to power in France. Were it not for Dominique Strauss-Kahn and his affection for chamber maids and anti-Sarkozy sentiment based completely on the fact that his wife is more beautiful, more charming, richer and, frankly, a better singer than nearly all the French women, France would be looking at another term for Sarkozy and continued prosperity for their one percent. Now new French president Monsieur François Hollande has been sworn in and will soon be sworn at by any French person concerned about France's economy and its role, along with Germany, of keeping the European Union in its current state of hopeful legitimacy.
But is there more? OUI.
We will just give you the whole thing, because it is "franc"-ly beautiful!
But what's with the doom and gloom? The Economist called Hollande "rather dangerous" and "bad for his country." You can't argue with The Economist. For starters, to understand more than 30-percent of any article in that magazine, you have to have McArthur Grant or Rhode Scholar somewhere on your CV.
Hollande's policies include: imposing a 75% top income-tax rate, returning the pension age to 60 placing more seniors on public assistance, and most concerning of all, hiring 60,000 new teachers. Sacrebleu!
Although he pledges to cut the budget deficit and improve France's creditworthiness, he plans to do so by raising taxes, not cutting spending. What is a French family of means, or an extremely empathetic Francophile here in the states to do in the face of this economic peril? The answer is simple: Trade one red, white and blue flag for another. Flee to America. The time has come to relocate to a gorgeous French-inspired estate in Moorestown, also known as the Neuilly-sur-Seine of New Jersey. Take refuge from the Socialists, impending austerity and tax attacks on the wealthy by seeking asylum in one of the most beloved towns in the mid-Atlantic states.
This stunning estate sits on over 3 acres on a quiet cul-de-sac. Nine other premier, custom homes surround this property which is close to the center of historic Moorestown. The local Main Street offers the cafe lifestyle. Just across the river, Philadelphia presents touches of France to cure homesickness. Parc, Bibou and the newly revitalized Le Bec Fin restaurants await the refine tastes of French ex-pats.
Trading the Champs-Élysées for the Benjamin Franklin Parkway has never been more appealing with a home of this stature ready for occupancy. Surrounded by professional landscaping, mature trees and sweeping lawns, this Gary Gardner built 5 bedroom classic residence showcases quality craftsmanship, custom woodwork & exquisite design all in a private setting. The home features every element and all the touches expected in this price range. We won't detail them here because you should be packing before the angry mobs begin forming.
However, worth noting is the custom redwood shelved 2,000-bottle wine cellar, ideal for relocating a wine collection before the Occupy Movement makes its way to cellars throughout France looking for their "fair" share of Bordeaux. Don't let warm memories of Mitterand fool you. The veil of history and passing of time has softened his legacy and the impact Parti socialiste had on the country. After all, Mitterand was the man who allowed the pyramid to disfigure the Louvre. Do you need more evidence that it is time to leave? Schedule a showing of this magnificent property today.
DO IT. DO IT NOW. OCCUPY IS COMING FOR YOUR WINE BOTTLES. The end. [CraigsList]
Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.