Ari Fleischer Declares Mission Accomplished In Iran, While Aboard The U.S.S. Chowderhead

News

  • After starting a rumor that Senator Robert Byrd had passed away, Caroline Kennedy did her civic duty and volunteered herself as the third senator from New York. [RedState]

  • Guano faucet Ari Fleischer doesn't want to take all the credit for exporting freedom to Iran, but hey, modesty is its own reward. [Think Progress]


  • Every day Henry Paulson asks Jesus to heal his inner hurt, because Henry is a Christian Scientist and isn't allowed to seek proper medical treatment for all the hilarious shit Matt Taibbi writes about him. [Matt Taibbi]

  • Lots of ungrateful single working mothers are whining about how they receive a $25 golden parachute from the government every week, because now that the bailout has made them all filthy rich, they no longer qualify for $300 in food stamps every month. When AIG received their weekly $25 bailout, you didn't hear them complaining about how they no longer qualified for government spa treatments or partridge hunts at Mr. Darcy's country estate in Derbyshire! [HuffPost]

  • When Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi sees a black person on the street he says, "Oh wow you have a nice tan." And when he stumbles upon a woman with a very large belly he inquires, "Are you fat or just pregnant?" Silvio's Hot Cop-Humpin' Summer Comedy Tour begins today, here in Washington. [Swampland]

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