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Arizona Fully Recovers From Giffords Shooting, Honoring 'Official State Gun'

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That Arizona shooting? It was pretty awesome. A whole lot of people in Arizona seemed to like it, at least, because guns are cool. The type of gun used in the crime, a Glock, you will remember, suddenly becamea very popular accessory that flew off store shelves. But perhaps here is some more evidence: Arizona is about to name an "official state firearm." While pussier states like yours may have an "official state bird" or "official state rock" or "official state Confederate flag," Arizona is showing how it's done. Say hello to the Colt single-action Army revolver, the official gun of shooting people in Arizona.


Our formerly desert-dwelling pal Cord Jefferson has the embarrassing details on his homeland:

Sponsored by 43 of the 90 members of the Arizona legislature, the new bill seeks to make the Colt single-action Army revolver the "official state firearm" of Arizona. In January, lawmakers in Utah moved to make M1911 semi-automatic pistol the official gun of that state.

In a Facebook group advocating for all states to adopt official state guns, the administrator writes, "States have symbols such as flags, birds, dinosaurs, reptiles, insects, flowers, even cookware. None of these symbols would have become necessary without guns and the freedoms they helped our forefathers obtain."

GUNS MADE BIRDS HAPPEN. GUNS MADE DINOSAURS HAPPEN. WE ARE NOT SURE IF GUNS MADE GOD OR GOD MADE GUNS, BUT THEY'RE PRETTY GOOD FRIENDS, AT LEAST. [GOOD]

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Photo by Daniel Stockman, Creative Commons license 2.0

It's Sunday, and that means it's time for a break from the ongoing grind of awfulness out there. Let's dive into some cool, funny, thoughtful stuff to fortify ourselves before we get back to the daily madness, shall we?

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After watching President Arty McDeals twist in the wind for a month, IRL politician Mitch McConnell finally decided to throw the mook a lifeline. Despite constant screaming about women with duct tape over their mouths, Trump is getting blamed for the shutdown and even his own supporters are starting to turn on him. So Ol' Yertle summoned Mike Pence and Jared Kushner to his chambers for some #RealTalk.

"Tell Donald that he has to offer something so it looks like the Democrats are the ones who won't compromise." He said. (Probably.)

"That's great," squeaked young Jared (allegedly), "Democrats are desperate. We've got them right where we want them." McConnell blinked hard.

"No, Jared," he probably said. "They're not going to take the deal. We'd have more luck getting Mexico to pay for it. The point is to offer something silly so they turn us down, and then we try to convince the public that the shutdown is Democrats' fault."

"I don't get it," said Jared (allegedly), as Mother's boy Pence furrowed his brow and sighed through his nose. (Not allegedly, it's his signature move.)

"I know," Mitch might have said. "Believe me, I know."

Which is how President Teleprompter wound up giving a MAJOR ADDRESS yesterday offering to hold off on deporting some of the Dream Act kids for a hot second if Democrats will just give him $5.7 billion for WALL and let him expel future child arrivals without a hearing. Trump himself rescinded protections for up to a million immigrants brought here as kids as soon as he took office, but he'll let some of those hostages go if Democrats will just give him cash for that WALL that Mexico is "indirectly" paying for. Heck, he'll even let 300,000 people who fled war and natural disasters and put down roots here over decades to stay a little longer, if that's what it takes. He plans to deport them all in three years anyway, or else use them for another round of hostage negotiations. (If we re-elect That Orange Idiot, spit on the ground/sign of the horns/God forbid.)

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