Hey, remember John Huppenthal, Arizona's state schools superintendent, whotrolled a bunch of blogs from his work computer, mostly talking about what a great job John Huppenthal was doing as state schools superintendent, but also explaining that the poor are "lazy pigs" and Margaret Sanger did the Holocaust? Turns out that more of his commenting history is being uncovered, like the time he explained that controlling immigration needs to be done, but that we also need to make sure that those dumb immigrants straighten up and fly right, in English.

On a 2010 conservative blog post that trumpeted the success of tough anti-immigrant laws that encouraged "self-deporting," Huppenthal, posting as "Falcon9," was delighted that crime was way down because of Arizona's "Your papers please" law (which had been in effect for all of six months), but he worried that one downside of controlling immigration was that there'd be "fewer jobs for caucasions" [sic]. Ever the wise sage, Huppenthal explained that white people just ain't birthin' babies fast enough to keep up with the dusky hordes:

In an improving economy, free flowing immigration creates more jobs for caucasions, not fewer. Economic growth is one part productivity growth and 2 parts population growth. Caucasians aren't reproducing themselves, so all population growth has to be immigration.

Happily, he can see a solution, now that criminal aliens were going to be a thing of the past -- restart immigration, but make sure all immigrants assimilate immediately, like they never have in reality but definitely did in nativist mythology. And it would be OK, because we'd only let hard workers in, not the criminal scum that are here today:

We are condemning ourselves to a second rate future if we don't reestablish the melting pot with a strong flow of immigrants engaging in economic activity, not crime.

Really, it's quite simple to make sure that America stays unified. Just ban Spanish!

We all need to stomp out balkanization. No spanish radio stations, no spanish billboards, no spanish tv stations, no spanish newspapers. This is America, speak English.

About 15% of students in Arizona schools, it should be noted, have a first language that isn't English. Not that the state superintendent needs to enable such lazy habits.

After another poster joked that it sounded like "Falcon9" might want to stomp out Mexican restaurants, too, he very very seriously replied,

I don't mind them selling Mexican food as long as the menus are mostly in English.

And, I'm not being humorous or racist. A lot is at stake here.

Stop joking, you guys. The head of Arizona's educational system has some important thoughts about menus.

On a whole 'nother blog, again posting as Falcon9, Huppenthal also explained that Mexican-American Studies (MAS), the program in Tucson schools that was eventually outlawed by the legislature, was like all other ethnic studies programs, "a racist program that pits the races against each other and encourages students to view themselves as victims and successful people as ‘oppressors.'" He also wrote "MAS = KKK" and explained that even talking about Latinos as a group that has a history was a form of defeatist racism, because there's only one kind of history, and that's the American kind, which is utterly without racial or ethnic divisions: “hispanic history [is] defined as a history of victimhood leading to a future of victimhood owned by you…”

Dammit, if those foreigns would just shut up and assimilate, we'd have no more problems. Now be quiet, Mr. Huppenthal is trying to come up with a new pseudonym to respond to this article with.


Follow Doktor Zoom on Twitter. Dammit, now he wants to eat at any of several great Mexican places in Tucson. As long as the menu is in English, of course.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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We know, the thing we said in our headline is a thing you can say every day, but it's really intense today, maybe because Donald Trump is now filled with fear of the inescapable reality that millions of Americans who have not read the Mueller Report are going to see Robert Mueller testify on live TV on July 17, and Donald Trump will be exposed. Maybe the Big Mac vending machine next to his golden toilet is on the fritz and he hasn't had gotten to eat a Big Mac on the poop chair since last night. Maybe he's just a weak and sad person, a collection of shithole cells God meant to throw in the garbage, but accidentally implanted in Mary Trump's turkey incubator. We imagine that'd lead to a pretty constant state of anxiety and ennui.

Whatever it is, he's totally fucked right now. We were going to write a nice post about Trump's batshit interview on Fox Business with Maria Bartiromo, but we were busy, and by the time we got to it, he had performed so many batshit feats that we're just going to stick them all in this one post.

Let's start with the fight he's trying to wage with US soccer star Megan Rapinoe, who in a now-viral video stated that she has no fuckin' interest in going to the White House to meet that idiot. He got into a quarrel with her on Twitter ... or at least with a Twitter account that didn't belong to her. It's now been replaced, in order that the adult president may shit-tweet at the soccer superstar who hurt his feelings, but Splinter grabbed the original:

The rant continued:

Right. And Megan Rapinoe just said win or lose, she has no interest in meeting your crusty ass, because no decent American would consider that an honor.

Besides, she has already been to the White House to meet a legitimately elected president:

By the by, the owner of the incorrect Megan Rapinoe account saw Trump's whining and told him to grow a dick and set it on fire:

Ya burnt!

But as we said, it was a whole day of batshit from Trump, so let's continue.

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DING DONG THE WITCH IS ... quite likely to land on her feet. But for today, the New York Times reports Dana Loesch is out of a job, the latest casualty in the war between the NRA and its longtime advertising company Ackerman McQueen. But every cloud has a silver bullet lining, since Dana will have more free time now to spend on her favorite hobby. We can't wait to see which cartoon character she photoshops Klan hoods onto next. Maybe she'll branch out and start putting Nazi armbands onto Buzz Lightyear. Oh, we would be so triggered!

As one of the most visible characters on NRATV with literal hundreds of viewers for each of her fascist rants, Dana Loesch was a tireless advocate for the gunhumpers lobby, always ready to call out "tragedy dry-humping whores," threatening to "fist" or perhaps "fisk" the New York Times, and expressing her hope that the Mueller Report would die in an "AIDS fire."

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