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Arizona State Senator Will Protect Children From Freaky Weird Math That Includes Letters

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We just can't seem to escape rightwing freakouts about the Common Core educational standards, from concerns that Barack Obama is going to tell children thatcorrect answers don't matter at all in math to Victoria Jackson's worries about how they will make children see tiny cartoon weenuses. Newest case: Arizona's Senate Education Committee voted 6-3 last week to prevent the state from implementing the standards. The effort was led by state Sen. Al Melvin, who also just happens to be running for governor, though it would be terribly cynical to suggest that he went after Common Core to buff up his teabagger cred. Melvin said that while the attempt to institute a common but flexible set of educational standards began as a


“pretty admirable pursuit by the private sector and governors ... [but] it got hijacked by Washington, by the federal government ... [so] as a conservative Reagan Republican I’m suspect about the U.S. Department of Education in general, but also any standards that are coming out of that department.”

Another member of the panel, Sen. David Bradley, asked Melvin if he'd actually read the Common Core standards at all.

“I’ve been exposed to them,” Melvin responded.

Pressed by Bradley for specifics, Melvin said he understands “some of the reading material is borderline pornographic.” And he said the program uses “fuzzy math,” substituting letters for numbers in some examples.

Substituting letters for numbers? Sounds like some kind of freaky Arab plot, like this "zero" thing that has caused our children to stop using Roman numerals. Thank goodness Melvin paid attention to the briefing memo, "Al Gebra Determined to Strike in U.S."

In addition to the bill barring implantation of Common Core, the Education Committee went a few steps further, and approved another measure that would prevent the state from instituting any statewide education standards at all, leaving that up to local districts. Another measure would restrict the adoption of online replacements for physical textbooks, because one of the members of the committee believes that online instruction is inherently linked to Common Core, and is part of a plot to have kids

“indoctrinated of the concepts of global warming, evolution, defaming the Founders.”

No telling whether the full Senate will go along with the Education Committee; Gov. Jan Brewer (still, apparently, on her meds) supports the standards, although she rebranded them "Arizona’s College and Career Ready Standards," which just shows you how sneaky these Communist Core people are.

However it turns out, it is indeed a huge relief to know that someone in Arizona is concerned enough about the children of tomorrow to protect them from fake math that doesn't even use numbers. Thank goodness no one has told him that some Common Core math books also include radicals and imaginary numbers, or there'd be hell to pay.

[Arizona Daily Star]

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Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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On Monday, someone attempted to murder George Soros by putting a bomb in his mailbox. Also on Monday, someone threw a rock into House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy's office. Also, I spilled some hot coffee on myself. These are all things that happened on Monday, and were by some measure unpleasant. While most people might say, "Yes, all of those things are unpleasant, but they are not equal degrees of unpleasant," most people are not Chuck Schumer.

In what appears to be an attempt to get someone on Fox News to describe him as a "reasonable guy," Schumer sent out a tweet today lamenting the "despicable acts of violence and harassment" being done by "both sides."

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Republicans are KILLIN' IT in Florida, you guys! No worries about election day, Gators. It's all smooooooth sailing for the Sunshine State GOP. Just take it from Governor Rick Scott's lead pollster Wes Anderson, who produced a whimsical, unskewed poll for the campaign, featuring nostalgic jams about high Republican turnout in those good old days, telling the Tampa Bay Times,

As the linked slides indicate, Governor Scott currently leads Senator Nelson 51% to 46%, a lead that is outside of the margin of error.

It should also be noted that this sample from last week is very robust at 2,200 interviews of likely voters, stratified by county to reflect historic mid-term turnout. Our sample shows the Republicans with a one-point turnout advantage, even though we believe we will end up with a two- or three-point advantage. For historical context, in the past two mid-term elections Republicans had a four-point advantage in 2010 and a three-point advantage in 2014. At R+1, that makes our current sample a very conservative take on the likely partisan composition of this year's electorate.

NEEDZ MOAR BILL MURRAY.

No other pollster has replicated those numbers, with SurveyUSA, Quinnipiac, and CNN/SSRS all finding Bill Nelson in the lead, but if OnMessage, Inc. says Scott is running way ahead, then it must be true! Only OnMessage promises to "take your principles, your experience, and your opponent's weaknesses to develop a winning message plan that the voters will embrace." And who wouldn't trust a push pollster, right?

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