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Armstrong Williams' Gooey Wad

williams.jpgWhile "constantly propositioned" D.C. intern Abbie Finfrock is disappointingly demure as far as naming names, one pent-up Washington insider who probably hasn't hit on her is carnally dormant pundit Armstrong Williams, who in his latest column, writes, "One of the greatest challenges in my life is the struggle to abstain from premarital sex. It is not easy."


To overcome his powerful natural urges, the 46-year-old Williams calls upon equally powerful imagery: "In case anyone missed the point, [Rev. Donald D. Robinson, former Director of the D.C. Mayor's office on religious affairs,] took a pack of gum from his pocket and gave everyone in the front row a stick. About 25 minutes later, he returned to the topic of the gum. When participants remarked that the flavor is fading, Robinson offered to share his stick. Before they could respond, he plucked the gooey wad from his mouth and held it out like precious offering. The would-be recipients lurched back in disgust. The point, explains Robinson: 'If you are prematurely sexually active, by the time you have become married, you're like a chewed up piece of gum -- all of your flavor, freshness and sweetness is gone.'" At right, a photo of Armstrong Williams practicing his sweet, fresh, and flavorful look.

Sex [Townhall.com]

The Clinton Effect [Wonkette.com]

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It's the night before the two-night Democratic primary debate extravaganza, and we're already tired. Turns out having 20 candidates spread across two nights when only six or eight of them matter is not the must-see TV we all thought it was going to be! But that's not to dissuade you from getting excited! We're excited! We're so excited! We're so ...

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SCARED!

In case you need a reminder, here is how it's going to go down:

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Lately he's been blowing smoke from another orifice.

After a cursory examination of the TWELVE filings in the case against California Congressman Duncan Hunter just in the past 24 hours, we can confidently declare that that guy is a fucking idiot. The prosecutors have him by every last one of his short and curlies -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to pay for hundreds of thousands of dollars of ski trips, video games, tuition, and plane tickets for the family rabbit.

A rational human being would have pleaded down a year ago and given up his congressional seat, since he could cash out and make a lot more money as a lobbyist anyway. But not Duncan Hunter! He made the federal government chase him down and document every last carton of cigarettes, round of tequila, and Uber ride of shame home from his many girlfriends' houses in a 60-count indictment filed last August. And still this dumb sumbitch refused to admit he was caught, even after his lovely wife (and co-conspirator) Margaret Hunter flipped on him this month -- which is what happens when you use your campaign credit card to carry on multiple affairs and you piss off the US Attorneys enough that they put every 7 a.m. Uber ride in your indictment.

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