Ask Wonkette: Polling All Our Exits

My question: Have you ever actually been interviewed by an exit-poller? Me neither. So how the fuck do they do it? Please identify me as a man with an enormous penis. Ah: The Mystery Pollster actually explained this whole process, but we like your point. We have never been, ahem, polled by an exit pollster (hmmm. . . exit poller. . . ), either. So they must not exist. We have also never seen gravity and we are right now floating up to the ceiling like a soft, puffy balloon.

Why isn't election day a national holiday? Is this because if it was a holiday more of the working class would vote and thus elitist Republicans prevent it?" Oooh! Ooo! We love the idea of Election Day as national holiday! Think of the sales!

PS: WI, 20 minutes ago: 51/48 KERRY


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