Assassination Watch: NSA Totally Didn't Murder Princess Di

The '80s sucked. - WonketteScotland Yard wants the world to know that America certainly did not have Princess Diana assassinated in Paris 10 years ago. Just try to argue with the evidence in this all-new authoritative investigation:

* The U.S. National Security Agency has admitted to keeping 39 different files on the Princess of Wales, who maybe would've become King of England had she not been tragically and completely accidentally smashed to bits.

* The NSA wouldn't even let U.K. investigators have a peek at any of these surveillance files.

* Scotland Yard bravely declares "NSA did not target Princess Diana nor collect any of her communication."

* Detective Constable David Douglas says the American tracking of Diana is "a very difficult thing to prove or disprove."

* But the U.S. Secret Service does admit it was bugging Di's phone calls the night she was killed.

* And her driver Henri Paul was indeed a French spy who had hidden $200,000 in secret payments in 14 different bank accounts.

* And the photographer who collided with Diana's car in his Fiat was found dead in the woods three years later, after he was ID'd as the Fiat's driver. Case closed!

Diana: No murder, no pregnancy [CNN]


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