Asteroid Alert: Close Only Counts in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Guess we're not the only ones having a slow news day: Poor Drudge. First with the scary ironic t-shirts, now he's fronting some lady dying during a showing of "The Passion of Christ." Unless she rises again, we fail to see how that's news. But this, this is huge:


    ASTEROID-WARNING: Earth nearly put on impact alert...

Zoinks! That sounds bad. But how, exactly, does one put the "Earth" on alert? Are the Superfriends involved? Some giant red button you push? In any case, tragedy has been averted. We hear the asteroid was headed right for us, but once Bush announced his support for the "no ass-fucking amendment," some mysterious forced guided the would-be Earth-smiting away.

DRUDGE REPORT! [DRUDGE REPORT!]

UPDATE: Several readers have written in regarding the Federal No Ass-Fucking Amendment. First of all, to "Worried in Manhattan": Straight people can do it all they want. Your wife is wrong to use that excuse. And to "Stick-in-the-Mud in Seattle": You're right, the amendment will not literally prohibit the gays from getting in the rear; in a literal sense, it will just deny the benefits of marriage to the gays (some of whom practice the back-door love). But we suspect that what really makes the Bushies uncomfortable is ass-fucking. The idea of it, we mean.

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