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Attention Maryland Gays: Wonkette Will Marry You So Good (UPDATE)

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Updated below.

We have a contest on our hands, people! There are no rules but the prize is getting married.

Since Maryland voters got all hopped up on equality and passed Question 6, Your Wonkette has decided to get in on the gay marriage game, because we Care About The Community and it sounds way fun. If you are a gay couple who wishes to get married and you need an officiant, Wonkette will provide you, free of charge, a genuine ordained reverend in the Universal Life Church. (It is so legal, he has been ordained for five years now, and he is me.)

If you're interested in having a secular marriage ceremony performed by a guy who promises not to say any curse words during the event, email rich@wonkette.com with your contact information and why you should get the goods. There are no guidelines, because we are just going to pick whomever we want anyway.

The winner will be announced one month from today, on that lovey day of love, Valentine's Day. Love.

UPDATE: Apparently some people like the idea of getting married on Valentine's Day? It's like they don't even care about our time peg. The deadline for submissions is now officially midnight EST on Jan. 20, 2013, to give the Valentine's nerds time to get their gay ducks in a row. We'll announce on Monday, Jan. 21.

Oh! And there is a bonus! We have lobbied our benevolent editor, and she has agreed that a reception at IHOP should also be included with your Wonkette Gay Marriage Extravaganza TM, so any party of 12 you can gather together eats pancakes fo' free. The probability of free stickers is also pretty high. Doesn't that sound better than getting hitched on some trolley in Annapolis? (It doesn't matter, because that dude does not like teh ghey. We are better by default.)

So send us your story! This may be the last time we do this, as we have heard gay marriage is a gateway to polygamy and bestiality, so who knows what kind of crazy sister-wife donkeyshow we'll be hosting next year. Can't wait to hear from you.

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Corey Stewart, the Minnesota transplant to Virginia who's made protecting "Confederate Heritage" a top issue in his campaign for the US Senate, accused a nosy New York Times reporter of breaking into the apartment of one of his aides. It's a terrific accusation, because while there's no evidence at all and the story makes no damn sense, that doesn't matter at all to people who'd vote for Corey Stewart. They already hate the evil media and know those nasty reporters are capable of all the depravity in the world.

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Hey, remember that hilarious time when Paul Ryan and Kevin McCarthy got caught on tape joking that LOL, Donald Trump and Congressman Dana Rohrabacher were totally on Putin's payroll? WaPo got the goods:

"There's two people I think Putin pays: Rohrabacher and Trump," McCarthy (R-Calif.) said, according to a recording of the June 15, 2016 exchange, which was listened to and verified by The Washington Post.

Rep. Dana Rohrabacher is a Californian Republican known in Congress as a fervent defender of Putin and Russia.House Speaker Paul D. Ryan (R-Wis.) immediately interjected, stopping the conversation from further exploring McCarthy's assertion, and swore the Republicans present to secrecy.

It's funny 'cause it's true! ALLEGEDLY. Earlier this month, Congressman Lubyanka Rohrabacher told Fox reporter Elex Michaelson that DNC hack was obviously an inside job.

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