Attention Maryland Gays: Wonkette Will Marry You So Good (UPDATE)
We have a contest on our hands, people! There are no rules but the prize is getting married.
Since Maryland voters got all hopped up on equality and passed Question 6, Your Wonkette has decided to get in on the gay marriage game, because we Care About The Community and it sounds way fun. If you are a gay couple who wishes to get married and you need an officiant, Wonkette will provide you, free of charge, a genuine ordained reverend in the Universal Life Church. (It is so legal, he has been ordained for five years now, and he is me.)
If you're interested in having a secular marriage ceremony performed by a guy who promises not to say any curse words during the event, email firstname.lastname@example.org with your contact information and why you should get the goods. There are no guidelines, because we are just going to pick whomever we want anyway.
The winner will be announced one month from today, on that lovey day of love, Valentine's Day. Love.
UPDATE: Apparently some people like the idea of getting married on Valentine's Day? It's like they don't even care about our time peg. The deadline for submissions is now officially midnight EST on Jan. 20, 2013, to give the Valentine's nerds time to get their gay ducks in a row. We'll announce on Monday, Jan. 21.
Oh! And there is a bonus! We have lobbied our benevolent editor, and she has agreed that a reception at IHOP should also be included with your Wonkette Gay Marriage Extravaganza TM, so any party of 12 you can gather together eats pancakes fo' free. The probability of free stickers is also pretty high. Doesn't that sound better than getting hitched on some trolley in Annapolis? (It doesn't matter, because that dude does not like teh ghey. We are better by default.)
So send us your story! This may be the last time we do this, as we have heard gay marriage is a gateway to polygamy and bestiality, so who knows what kind of crazy sister-wife donkeyshow we'll be hosting next year. Can't wait to hear from you.