Avoid Getting Blown Up: Eat European Food In Amurica
Oh boo hoo, it seems thattraveling to Europe may not be the best idea right now, what with the threat of terrorism looming over the ENTIRE continent. Not that anyone can really afford to travel anyway, so, uh, now who's laughing? But, if this means continuing to spend your days watching porn in your cubicle instead of enjoying all the socialist pleasures Europe has to offer, one has to wonder if it's possible to experience any of Europe in D.C.? How about with half-naked Spanish soccer players in bathrooms? Will that do?
D.C. is an up-and-coming city, which means that for every hamburger and cupcake shop, there's a restaurant that serves European food. And the one where the wallpaper in the bathroom is made up of half-naked soccer players (to guarantee arousal while peeing?), that would be Estadio. It's a Spanish restaurant famous for its $9 Alcoholic Slushitos that are made with such items as quince, paprika, scotch and sherry. (You can make a less gourmet, but just as good, version of these at home with a little help from 7-Eleven and your favorite liquor). Plus, the restaurant is gorgeous and hams hang from from the ceiling, just like in Spain and many other parts of this pig-worshiping town.
England, France, Germany, Italy and Belgium are the known targets of this terr'ist menace. Here's where you can get food from each of these countries in D.C., should you have canceled your flights or if you just really like mussels, fish and chips, bratwurst, or meatballs:
Cafe Mozart (their wurst selection is off the hook)
Or, if you do end up in Europe, be sure to do what the government says: avoid civil disturbances and don't discuss travel plans with others.