Baghdad Bric-a-Brac

Direct from Baghdad, courtesy Wonkette's They're Everywhere Operative, Maj. Bob Bateman, the "Saddam Hussein-George Bush commemorative F-16 Fighting Falcon cigarette lighter."

Lighter Photo-1
Guess it's true: There are no aesthetes in foxholes.

Maj. Bateman's narrative of discovery of this truly incredible artifact after the jump.

So there I was, sitting in the powder-fine dust on the military side of the runway at the Baghdad Airport, just over six months into my tour of duty here in Iraq. Each slight puff of wind kicked up a little swirl of dirt, inevitably collecting on the sweat-soaked uniforms of skin of my fellow travelers and I. It was August, 120 degrees in the shade, and there was no shade. Every once in a while a moderately-sized explosion shook the ground, as the Explosives Ordinance Disposal wackos detonated part of that week’s haul.

Waiting for a military airlift flight out of a combat zone is an experience which forces one into a near Zen-like approach to time.

Eventually, to break the monotony, I ambled over towards the tractor-trailer which housed what passes for a 7-11 here. Just shy of that establishment I passed a ramshackled knock-up of a building with a large sign, COMMEMORATIVES, over the door. What mattered more to me was the fact that there was an air-conditioning unit next to the building, humming along with a sound which evoked in my mind images of a cool dip in the River Jordan. I went inside.

Perusing the bric-a-brac... My inner hick screamed out in joy.

Yes, there you have it, the Saddam Hussein-George Bush commemorative F-16 Fighting Falcon cigarette lighter. Notice the fine workmanship, the details, the loving craftwork which went into this. Special features include:

A clear blue-tinted plastic outline of an F-16, set between the two raised images of President Bush and Saddam Hussein. Behind this blue-tinted plastic are several Light Emitting Diodes, which, when you raise the aluminum cast F-16 which serves as the lid, light up in RED, WHITE, and BLUE.

The aluminum cast F-16 which serves as a lid is a model of accuracy.

When you ignite this fine lighter, by means of the button, you get not just some boring little flame. Noooooo. You get the cigarette lighter equivalent of an F-16 going into full afterburner mode, complete with a changing color of the flame (from initial colorless, to blue, to green).

And, if you did not yet notice….THE WHOLE DAMNED THING IS IN THE SHAPE OF A HEART!!!

(The question of what sort of sick, twisted mind would place GWB and SH together on a heart, then sell it to combat troops in Iraq, is so completely beyond me that I fear that I will never know the answer.)

Regards from Baghdad,

Bob Bateman


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