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Barack Obama Gives Atheists Their Rotten Stem Cells To Play With

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Next to basketball, Barack Obama's favorite hobby is to take Leftover Fetuses -- known as "table scraps" in the White House kitchen -- mix them up in a blender, sit them atop a bed of arugula and a balsamic reduction, and DINE. This is called embryonic stem cell research, and hepassed an executive order today easing restrictions on it. On the other hand, he reiterated a strong stance against Human Cloning, which is the only *fun* part of stem cell research, so basically he should be impeached, yesterday.


He even brought in a few stem cell eaters, for a celebratory lunch:

At a ceremony in the East Room of the White House, before an audience that included lawmakers, scientists and patients, several of them in wheelchairs, Mr. Obama announced that he was issuing an executive order intended to advance the research. He said he hoped Congress would follow with bipartisan legislation that would ease the existing restrictions even more.

Sounds like Deregulation to us. GRRR!

Except for this part, about cloning:

In making his announcement, Mr. Obama drew a strict line against human cloning, an issue that over the years has become entangled with the debate over human embryonic stem cell research.

He said that he would ensure that his administration “never opens the door” to cloning for human reproduction, adding, “It is dangerous, profoundly wrong and has no place in our society or any society.”

...Maybe there can be an exception for clones of Doctor Congressman Ron Paul? Little... little compromise action? No? OKAY THEN ----> SECESSION?

Well this is news that's hard to make funny, so let's just quote whatever dingbat Republican the New York Times has included here for balance:

One Republican lawmaker, Representative Christopher Smith of New Jersey, called Mr. Obama “the abortion president,” and planned an event to protest the new stem-cell policy later on Monday. The event was to include some so-called snowflake children, born after a couple that underwent in-vitro fertilization released leftover embryos for use by other couples.

Gross.

Obama Lifts Bush's Strict Limits on Stem Cell Research [NYT]

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FINALLY. Of course, we say "finally," because we haven't been behind the scenes in the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees to witness the negotiating and wrangling firsthand, so we don't know what it's taken to make this happen, but clear your calendars for July 17, because Bobby Mueller is goin' to Congress!

Committee chairs Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler sent the letter late yesterday, accompanied by a subpoena, for Mueller to testify at 9 a.m. Eastern on July 17, which is a Wednesday, so you will presumably not be busy with brunch. The hearings for each committee will be back to back, after which members of Mueller's staff will meet with committee staff behind closed doors.

Schiff told Rachel Maddow last night that it should not be viewed as a friendly subpoena, because as we all know, Mueller has been very reluctant to become the star of the political circus this will surely create. However, he's gonna have to suck it up, because as we all saw after what happened when Mueller addressed the nation for 10 whole minutes, there is great value in actually having Mueller breathe life into his own work, for an American audience that hasn't read his 448-page report. (And we don't blame them/you! We probably wouldn't have read it all if it wasn't our job. It would probably be on our "list," like "someday I am going to watch 'The Sopranos' start to finish finally. And then I will read the Mueller Report!")

Point is, it needs to happen on live TV, where people can gather around at work and on the train and in the Fantastic Sams while they gets their hair did, and let this highly respected public servant tell the story of how America's most hostile enemy attacked the 2016 election in order to help Donald Trump, how the Trump campaign was positively orgasmic over that reacharound, and how Trump criminally obstructed the investigation into that hostile foreign attack at every turn.

And because Robert Mueller is a patriotic American who respects the rule of law and our institutions, he will be complying with the subpoena, because of fucking course he will.

Right off the bat, we have a couple of questions:

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Beds at the 'temporary' shelter in Homestead, Florida. US HHS photo.

The House of Representatives passed a $4.5 billion emergency bill to fund detention of undocumented immigrants and asylum seekers yesterday, but the bill's demands that government meet minimal standards of humane treatment led Donald Trump to threaten a veto, because no one puts cruelty in a corner. The bill passed largely along party lines, 230-195, with four progressive Democratic first-term representatives opposing it because they believed the machinery of the New Cruelty shouldn't get a single dollar more. Trump prefers a bill already passed by the Senate, which would provide a similar level of funding $4.6 billion), but lacks the House bill's crazy radical requirements that migrants be held in less horrifying conditions than have been reported in the last week.

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