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Begin War On Decadent Western Christmas With Elizabeth Warren Mug, Da

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It's the most wonderful time of the year: the War on Christmas. And to celebrate, we have a new coffee mug, which you will buy now. In fact, knowing you, you will buy seven of them. Here is the front side:


Our coffee mugs have two sides, or your coffee would spill onto your bosoms. Here, look at the "back side"!

It says "Wonkette," so all your coworkers will know you are a filthy vulgarian heathen Islamicommie. Congratulations, you are fired.

NB: If you are using the "paypal advanced" option, it may look like your order has fallen into the ether, but IT HASN'T. Hold tight, or if you're really fretting, email us at rebecca at wonkette dot com and we will soothe your worried head.

Update: Nope, Paypal Advanced is super-ganked. Start over, terrible ones, through PayPal only, or, hell, send a check to PO Box 8765, Missoula MT, 59807, with all your relevant details. Be sure to include $8 for shipping!

Now that you have bought that, and clicked around our sweatshop for some tote bags to tote your goddamned elitist organic vegetables in, as well as our terrifying panties what eat men's peens, how else can you help your Wonkette today? A to-do list, for you:

  • Buying shit on Amazon? Click through from our Amazon thingie, there in the siderail! Then buy buy buy.
  • Scrolling down to our comments? If you see something that could possibly vaguely be interesting, click on it! Personally, we like the square with all the makeup and dresses in it, because we are A Lady. Click click click.
  • Have you shared something on Facebook lately? No? What the fuck is wrong with you? DO YOUR PART, JERKOFF, and share share share.
  • Speaking of which, you could sign up for our newsletter, there, in the siderail, again. Don't worry, Dok hardly ever remembers to send it. It is not EVEN like when you donate to the DSCC.
  • Really, just send money. Dok and Kaili seem inordinately fond of living "inside." Donate donate donate. Shy and I won't even use any of your money for our Thanksgiving wedding, because we're kind of lame at grifting :( Better grifting next time, us!

Thank you for reading Wonkette. We love you.

[BUY BUY BUY. BUY THE THING.]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Guys, it's been one more shit day in a shit week in the fifth shit month of another shit Trump year. Which is why I need to remind you that it's not ALL shit out there! Oh, sure, it's MOSTLY shit, but you know what isn't shit? YR WONKETTE, and the strange community of strange internet people who have made getting through all this shit a bit more tolerable, that's who and what. Which is why you should give us money, so we can keep whanging away at the walls of shit with our shovels and laughing at the shit getting all over, because one of these days we will get it all cleaned up or at least not be up to our waists in shit, and we can all laugh about what a crazy fight it was, as St. Molly Ivins always kept reminding us.

In case you're new here, let me just remind you that Wonkette literally got me, Yr Dok Zoom, out of what wasn't quite poverty, but was pretty much paycheck-to-paycheck desperation. I started reading the site shortly before Barack Obama was elected, began commenting sometime in his first term, and submitted a story tip to Rebecca a few months after she bought the site for 47 dollars and a sandwich (I now understand it was a bit more than that). It was Memorial Day 2012, and she wrote back she was busy with some "stupid thing I have to do for some muneez," but would I like to try writing a blog post myself? "I understand if you say FUCK NO. But maybe you are thinking FUCK YES?" And then she warned me she paid only in Ameros. I did, the post was forgettable but OK, and then I wrote a thing (borrowed from now long-lost comments) that went semi-viral, and suddenly I was that hottest thing in publishing, a freelancer!

In less than a year, Rebecca asked you all to buy me to be your very own pet blogger, and my life suddenly became incredibly good, like as good as an Abba song. It's as good as "Dancing Queen." Thanks to the timing of the whole thing (and to Barry Obama and Nancy Pelosi), I actually had health insurance for the first time in years, a not inconsiderable thing. And you had an Editrix who was not working 12 hour days six and a half days a week and drinking too much from stress. Your continued donations helped hire Evan full time and Robyn and Bianca part time and a whole raft of freelancers, and now Rebecca is down to eight-hour days, five and a half days a week, and drinking because there's a madman in the White House and everything's terrible.

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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