Ben Carson Getting Fingered By God

  • Dr. Ben Carson is still thinking about thinking about running for president in 2016, in case you did not get the last eleventy zillion memos, newsletters, and singing telegrams. And look, here he is again, giving an interview again, about the same subject again, which we are supposed to take more seriously again, even though we can't because we are practically dead from laughter again.

    David Brody: “How is that conversation going with God about this potential presidential run? Has He grabbed you by the collar yet? I read an article about that.”

    Ben Carson: “I feel fingers. But it's mostly me. I have to be sure and it’s part of my personality that says always look before you leap but don't leap before you have to.”

    David Brody: “I do cover the Presidential campaign trail. May I potentially see you there soon?”

    Ben Carson: “I think there is a good chance you might.”

    Dr. Ben Carson MD Who Is A Doctor may never stop his "I might run for president" tour long enough to actually run for president, but if he does, we are definitely #ReadyForBen. But he can keep the fingering to himself.

  • This is a very sweet story that you should read because it will make you feel a little bit better about humanity:

    Wandering around the Albuquerque Airport Terminal, after learning my flight had been delayed four hours, I heard an announcement: “If anyone in the vicinity of Gate A-4 understands any Arabic, please come to the gate immediately.” Well— one pauses these days. Gate A-4 was my own gate. I went there.

  • Maybe we should decide all our elections this way:

    Scraps of paper, a coin and a sack of numbered ping-pong balls settled a deadlocked local election in Florida on Saturday morning.For the first time in Duval County history, an election tie was broken by a game of chance, after the two candidates running for Neptune Beach city council seat four were tied at 1,448 votes apiece.

    “You just have to prepare mentally for either way because it can go either way,” Richard Arthur, who emerged from the games of chance the victorious candidate, was quoted as saying by a local Jacksonville broadcaster, News 4 Jax. “You can never prepare for a game of chance. You just have to go in with the best attitude either way however it turns out.” [...]

    The rules governing the three-round game stipulated that the outcome would determine the winner of the election. Both men agreed to the terms.

  • Not even going to tell you what this is about, but here's a tiny taste to make you want to read more:

    The term “bachelor party,” for instance, is just two words in English, but in French it’s an entire expression that translates to “a funeral for a young boy’s life[.]”

  • If you are, or have ever been, a writer, you can probably relate to this:
  • Looking for the latest bewb tube shenanigans and snarky recaps of your favorite teevee shows? Go show some love to our gone-but-not-forgotten kid sister Happy Nice Time People. And be sure to follow Happy Nice Time People on Twitter.

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