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Ben Carson is revealing some of his secret campaign platform magic early, hurray! We thought we would have to wait until Monday, May 4, when Carson officially announces his failed presidential run, to learn how Carson would handle pressing things like ISIS, but the wait is over! Just give everybody guns, because there sure aren't enough guns over in those Middle East parts!

Carson was in Spartanburg, South Carolina, speaking to the Bridging The Gap Quarterly Leadership Series meeting, and he dropped some Dr. Ben Carson knowledge on how to go get those bad guys.


Asked about earlier statements he made that people don't actually have a right to have semiautomatic weapons in cities, which is a Red Flag for America's gun-humpers, Carson explained that the NRA had reprogrammed his brain on the issue. Really. He has "subsequently had multiple conversations with the NRA leadership," and with other people who are Gun Smarter than he is -- and he's seen the light. Semiautomatic weapons for everyone, and also that's how you destroy ISIS:

Number one, to make sure that the citizens could assist the military in case of invasion, and to think that that is farfetched, all you have to do is go to the Middle East and see some of the things that are happening there. I have a friend who is a missionary doctor, called me two weeks ago quite distressed, he was over in Iraq, went back to one of the villages that they had helped in before and it was desolate, ISIS had gotten there before them, killed all the men, taken the women captive, I mean, if those people had the ability to defend themselves maybe that wouldn’t have happened. To think that we are completely isolated from that I think is silly, particularly knowing that there are cells in this country right now.

So many ISIS cells, right here in the United States! And if they're not in the U.S., he's definitely sure they're hiding near the Mexican border, because he told the NRA convention that! They're coming! Everybody lose your mind! But yes, we are very disturbed by the fact that ISIS has guns and nobody else in the entire Middle East does. Clearly, if the United States would simply arm a few hundred more sides in this conflict, it would all be solved, since that's worked so well for us before. (The U.S. is currently arming people ALL OVER THE REGION, like we always do.)

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Anyway, Ben Carson is just mouth-wording what the NRA told him to, because that's what Republican presidential candidates, even the failed ones (all of them, Katie!) do.

Carson also revealed his mind's tenuous grasp on history (stick to brain surgery, MORAN!) when he said that "Thomas Hobbes, the English philosopher of the 17th century when talking about tyranny in Europe, he said [tyrannical government overreach] would never occur in America because American citizens have guns and they won’t let it happen." Right Wing Watch points out that Hobbes died in 1679, LOL. When the United States wasn't a country yet.

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Won't matter to the mouth-breathing gun-fondlers though. All they will hear is the comforting reassurance that the only reason Barack Obama hasn't declared martial law and instituted gay Sharia across America is that wingnuts like them are standing on top of their mobile homes with guns, doing their best impressions of Yosemite Sam, for freedom.

[Right Wing Watch]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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